Witch Burning: Alive and well in Scientology

Note: This article is an excellent example of how Miscavige destroys people. It is also a proof that his abuse is by NO means confined to the Int Base. The techniques employed by Miscavige are in fact the methods of Reverse Dianetics, or psychological warfare. There's an older name that also fits: Witch Burning. Miscavige perfected these tactics at the Int Base using staff as guinea pigs, then began to export his methods down the line. Hundreds of decent, dedicated and hard-working staff have been taken out in this manner including virtually all the top staff of Scientology -- WDC Members, CMO Int staff, Exec Strata, Central Marketing Unit staff, Golden Era Productions staff and more. This is how he decimated the ranks at the Int Base. This is also how he destroyed the Mission Network in the early 1980s. In the example you're about to read, an Aussie, she was taken totally by surprise. There is, in fact, no internal means of defense against such a rigged attack. You either break or your leave. Those of us who refused to break, have left. Which means, for what it's worth, only the weakest who can not yet think for themselves are left. Like most real Scientologists, at least Carmel went down fighting hard -- a fitting tribute to the fiercely independent spirit of the Aussies. -- Thoughtful

If I ever wrote/write my complete story, the following would be at the tag end of it. ANZO (Australia) has been so “sheltered” in so many respects. While there are many indicators that so much needs “rectifying” - on the surface for so many around these parts, it CAN seem that the “the Org” is more on track than not, in the pursuit of “Freedom.” 


Well, not so I would think, and some time ago realized. It is not always at is seems. Why are the vast majority of the OL’s (opinion leaders) of the past, and those who “stood up” in the name of “freedom”, now so long gone and nowhere to be seen? It’s not been so noble of me, to withhold my story – as I know it may impinge on folks who are still sitting on the fence. The atrocities going on within the CofS aren’t just “make believe” and few and far between in some remote place like the USA. They happen here too, and soon you’ll be hearing more from others, who have copped it hard in our own back yard. 


We’ve all had our different experiences, but from my experience, any and all in ANZO who have tried to carry that Flag for “freedom”, who have fought for sanity within the ranks and who have refused to “give in” to the “mental compliance” required by the powers that be – have been persecuted to the point of submission, or have left. The following is part of the story as to why I left. 


THE LAST STRAW (97/98): 


I had already been through 6 months of arbitrary ethics handlings, and six intensives of sec checking at my expense, because I wasn’t complying and/or wouldn’t comply and change my “think”, in regard to whacko org management intervention on a dissemination cycle I did, and because of where I was at on the “church” and its general operating basis. They found no “heinous crimes” during my sec check and had nothing on me, and supposedly exhausted all avenues in regard to “handling” me - but that’s another story (NB, I was a “public” at this point, although prior in my Scn history, I held senior tech and admin posts in the org, as well as power FSM status in the field). I thought I was through and could finally “walk” without a “label” (slide out the back door so to speak). 


It was Jan 98 and I had just gotten back from a trip back to New Zealand for a family reunion/holiday, with my husband and boys. I had thought I was “done” at the org, prior to leaving on holiday, but I was called in “urgently”. If it were not for the fear of my kids having to choose between me and Scientology – down the track, I would have said “get fucked, I’m out!”, but at that time, this was of major concern to me. I gained so much from Scientology, and I didn’t want my kids to be denied the gains that I had made (easy to see in hindsight, that this was foolish – especially now, given that I know the actual scene). Mistakenly, I had decided to play this out, and wanted to slip away quietly without an SP declare. 


I went in as “ordered” and was confronted with a KR (knowledge report), from a Scientologist who we had known some years earlier. We’ll call this scn’ist Bob (I won’t name him, I care for his family and he was just a pawn in the game – if anything, I feel sorry for him).


The problem with Bob was that he was delusional. He could not distinguish the difference between fantasy and reality. This was a known problem. His wife knew about it. We at the org knew about it and tried to help him anyway.

Bob's KR stated that I supposedly had an affair with him, some 6 years before. It gave some specifics like; we didn’t actually have sex, we just “heavy petted”; he gave me oral sex, but I didn’t return the favor; we had a very sensual shower one time; this “affair” reportedly went on for 3 months, at a time when I was running the Class V org; that one of my selectees knew we were having this affair; and I can’t recall what else it said. Nor can I recall every detail or sequence of events – but some things stick in my mind – and that’s what I will tell you about.


I went into shock! – Big time! I knew this guy was delusional as did most people who knew him (he would make stuff up, then believe it, we reckoned). I was saddened, as I had affinity for the guy, his wife and family. I didn’t get where this had come from. My hubby had given him work, when he needed it. And I had done a marriage handling, on him and his wife (she was a doll). Things between Bob and I hadn’t been great, but nor had they been bad. 


I objected to the KR being given any credibility, let alone being acted on – for several reasons. At the time, I thought, these reasons would/should have been clear and unquestionable to anyone who had a brain, or to any scn’ist who knew ethics tech:

- It was written by a “psych case”, who had never finished a major course in Scn, and one who had no “stats” or “products” (while that may mean little to me, it would normally be highly relevant to an ethics officer)


- It was referring to a time when I was ED of an org, and doing very well with that org. Highest Ever Paid Comps for years (the org’s main stat), just recently uncrossed cash/bills (“solvent”), and $250,000 of previously not confronted refund requests handled or paid out. Staff were winning and so were public. The “affair” was reportedly to have taken place at this time (another point that should have/would have been very relevant to an ethics officer) 


- Per “Second Dynamic Rules” policy letter, ethics orders, punishment or discipline for 2D activities should not be the business of orgs and not administered.


- I could get evidence, that the report was bullshit, and I gave specific examples.


...but alas, not so. My objections and data were negated/denied. And my question re "WTF relevance does this have anyway?" was continually ignored.


I had to hang around for a while. I was sitting and stewing. Then Shane Brockdorff - an old flat mate of mine, co TTC member (we “trained” together), once Snr C/S ANZO, and Class 9 auditor, turned up to “audit” me. He used to be my friend, but this night, he was as cool as a cucumber toward me. This is a guy, who knew who I was, and what I was, and what I had done/”achieved” within the Scn ranks.


1st INTERROGATION

I saw the CO OSA (Vicky Hannah), the RTC mission I/C, and the RTC mission MAA go into an auditing room. Then Shane took me into the auditing room next door, and began an “INAY” (I’m not auditing you)”session” of course. He had an ear piece in his ear, and I could see that the live “camera” in the room (intended for auditor training), was on. I got quite fearful at this point. I knew those dudes next door were about to witness what was gonna go down. I had had months of punishment and insanity from those two fascist type missionaries (fired directly from and run by DM), and my adrenalin started pumping. I took the cans, and Shane started questioning me for withholds – straight up! I couldn’t believe it. The comm cycle (conversation) went something like this:



Me: WTF are you doing? You’re asking for my overts with Bob, and trying to pull withholds on me, without any standard sessioning, no sleep check, no food check, no metab, and no ruds?


Shane: What did you do with Bob?


Me: Excuse me!!!!!!!! WTF? What are you doing? What is this? That’s a listing question, and you aren’t even giving a fuck about a read on the question!


Shane: I know you had an out 2D with Bob, What did you do?


Me: I can’t believe this, what are you doing? We trained together? That’s not a confessional or sec check question. That’s a fucking listing question. You know as well as I do the meter reads on “yes”, so WTF are you doing, what tech are you applying with this random “steering” ?


Shane: I want you to tell me about your out 2D with Bob. What did you do?


Me: So you are willing to persist with this fiasco, and piss on all your training and the tech, cause you’d rather follow the orders of Miscavige and his henchmen, than get toasted?


At this point, Shane went “red”, and said we’d be taking a break. He obviously was told to stop there, and went into the room, where the spectators were watching and controlling the “session”. I heard yelling.


Shane came back, put ear piece back in his ear, and continued. He was very surly. He proceeded with “your needle is dirty”. I responded with “well of course it’s fucking dirty – you are invalidating the fucking shit out of me! We did e-meter drills together REMEMBER!!! Why would it be fucking clean when you are being such a fascist c’nt! 



Shane just kept on, and I kept bucking and rejecting. So lucky I was trained, and didn’t put my “case” or myself in his “hands”. I knew what he was doing was SO DAMN off the wall, that I was gonna remain cause at all cost. I was scared though, and I was shaking uncontrollably at one point. I could fight, and I kept fighting, but inside I felt terrified and trapped. I was very confused and felt my world was caving in me. It took all the strength I could muster to hang in there. 



I kept insisting to Shane that he wake the fuck up, and look at what he was doing, and get some balls for god’s sake and stand up to the Nazi mongrels who were forcing him to do this, but the same line of questioning just went on and on. It took me everything to hold back the tears, but I did. I didn’t want to give the pricks who were watching, the gratification of seeing me “crack”/”fold”. I kept insisting that he get Bob in, that he get the two of us together, and that I would/could prove that Bob’s KR was full of dub-in (bullshit), on Bob’s part. 



Finally, the session and the battle, came to an end (I thought). Vicki Hannah (CO OSA) came in, and said that Bob was there, and that she was wanting to talk with Bob and I. I stayed in the room. In walked Bob, out walked Shane, then Vicki started to talk.



Bob gave his story. I was furious! I wanted to fucking deck the bastard at that point. I was bursting with anger and frustration, my blood was boiling, but I had to sit and listen to his account of events. I kept staring at him. If looks could kill, yes – he would’ve been dead. I bit my tongue and copped it – til it was my turn. 



Finally it was my turn for a response. I wanted to yell and scream and cry, but knew that I had to contain myself, if I wanted to make a point. The following is pretty roughly the conversation that went down, between Bob and myself, with Vicki there arbitrating. It may sound crude and/or rude, but the dialogue between us, shows that Bob was imbedded into his own fantasy world. Please see it, in that light. It went something like this: (Note: I was confronting him, looking at him while he either had his head down or was looking out the window into the dark)
.


Me: So, you say, we had an affair for 3 months, but never actually had intercourse?


Bob: That’s right!


I had all sorts of comments at that point, and Vicki pulled me up on my obscenities, and put me back on track.


Me: What about the shower? (A whole crew of us were having a weekend away. Bob and I went there (with my kids) two hours earlier than the rest of the four families, because we were the ones who were free to get there and get everything working and warmed up in the daylight, before the rest of the crew arrived there in the dark. At this big old empty mansion in the Blue Mountains, the water was nearly frozen in the pipes, and it was cold and damp when we got there. We spent about an hour and a half, making it warm and welcoming for those who were to arrive shortly after).


Me: So you say we had a romantic shower when we got to there, before the others arrived?


Bob: Yep


Me: What about the fact that there was no hot water???


Bob: Didn’t matter, we were in love.


Me: Come on! In freezing water? What did we supposedly do in the shower?


Bob: We just loved each other, we didn’t notice the cold.


I turned to Vicki – “Don’t you see how absurd this is? He’s in a dream world! Can’t you SEEEEE that? Vicki said to me “Do you have any other questions for Bob?”. I said “yes”.


Me: So, if we were having a shower when we first got there, where were my kids?


Bob: They were in bed asleep.


Me: Well there ya go! The others got there for dinner a couple of hours after us, and my kids were still up and played with the others when they arrived. Didn’t go to bed for two hours later.


I turned to Vicki – “Obviously this “story”/”fantasy, doesn’t wash. I would hardly leave my 3,4 and 6 year olds to their own devices in a strange environment, running around high balconies, stairs, ponds, pools and the like with no supervision, would I? He says they were in bed. Come on!!! – like I could say to my extremely active young men “come on boys, mummy’s just going to go and have some slap and tickle in the shower with Bob (and before Daddy gets here), so I just need you to have a little sleep for a while, OK?. Yeah right!!! I was furious and I was getting more than slightly sarcastic with the lack of any sane response from Vicki on the matter. What more did I have to say?


Vicki: We’ll leave it there then.


Me: So do ya get it now? Will ya drop it now?


Vicki: Thanks Bob.... then she looked at me.....I’ll be back soon.


STUPID me, felt relieved...of course I had proved that this guy was living in a fantasy land.....but not so apparently........the interrogation continued.


Shane: So what did you do with Bob?


ME: WTF??? Isn’t that cleared? It’s more than apparent that Bob is bullshitting/in a fantasy land, and you are still persisting with this crap line?


Shane: Tell me about the sex between you and Bob?


Me: WTF? C’mon Shane, ya can’t tell me that some guy is gonna turn away getting sucked off by a woman he is “passionately in love with”, or have a cold shower in the blue mountains in August. Surely you see the outpoints/ the discrepancies – he’s dubbing in for god’s sake – nothing happened with him and me. It’s more than apparent that he’s bullshitting. Wake up. Don’t do this. How will you sleep tonight? Tell those fuckers next door to get fucked. This is INSANNNE!!!



Argued for some time, and then...



Shane: Have you ever had physical contact with Bob?


I’d had enough, thought “OK, will tell ‘m what he wants” Christ, I just wanted out – and all my reasoning wasn’t getting me there.


Stupid me: Yeah, while dancing one night. 


One night, I put on a Pirates and Wenches party for my staff and public who we had come to know and love. We had about 200 people there. During the evening I had danced with Bob, and just about every other bloke there.


Finally, Shane said – we’ll leave it there. He was escorting me out, and told me to go and wait in a certain area. I said “no examiner hey?” (I knew there wouldn’t be). I said he should maybe give himself an instruct on “Illegal Auditing” HCOB (tech bulletin).



Vicki saw me. It was now say 3.30am (I had been in the org on this cycle for seven and a half hours). She said that I should go home and get some rest – lovely! Had to be up at 6:30 am next morning to get kids to school, and me to work. I went home. Quite numb, and very “lossy”, very drained and spaced. 


I rang "Bob's" wife the next day. I was trying to figure out where all this was coming from. She apologized for her husband's behaviour. She said that she and Bob, were in the process of splitting. She said that she knew the whole thing was BS - just another one of Bob's fantasies. She thanked me profusely for all the help I had given them in the past, said how good their relationship was after the "marriage handling" I did for them, and was so sorry for the crap I was now going through at Bob's doing. She said that some years ago, he'd told a mutual mate, about what he would have liked to have happened. In recent times, with me in "trouble", the mate told his wife, who was good friends with the mother of an arch enemy of mine in OSA. 



She said that the mate's wife and the mother of the OSA crew member, were at their place for two whole days, hounding Bob to write the KR. She said that he didn't want to, and that he refused to, but then finally gave in and did as they requested, after a couple of days.



Obviously, certain people wanted a "head on a pike", and wanted something on me. This is all they could get. And it worked - it sullied my reputation within the class V orgs, and within the AO, and some of the field. And, it got rid of me. About three years later, it came out that Bob had been lying about the whole affair, but by then of course it was too late. People already "knew" that I had a "gross" out 2D sit, which was the cause of me "leaving", and sitting out in the field "motivating". My supposed "out 2D" was publicized widely - of course the fact that this was based on fabrication, and in actual fact just used in an effort to make me pull my head in, was never publicized or broadly issued.

2nd INTERROGATION


I had hardly slept the night before. CO OSA rang me, and “ordered” me in to wrap up the cycle. I said no way would I be getting on the cans again. She said that was fine, just needed to sort out a few things.


I got into the AO at around 8pm. I was left waiting for two hours – till around 10pm, when Shane had finished post. He had my folder I think, and said we were going to tidy up a couple of actions. I told him I’d only had two hours sleep, and that I wasn’t in any state to tidy up anything. He said that it wouldn’t be a problem, didn’t need to be “sessionable” for what we were going to do. 



We went back to that same room. I was fearful at this point, but thought I’d take it one step at a time (thinking I would/could stop it, if it got too much) – big mistake.



I picked up the cans, and he asked me about a time period in my past, that I certainly wasn’t proud of.



Need to give background here - While many have had decent lives, and stayed on the straight and narrow, some of us have not. I was brought up by older siblings and we were tight, there was much love and support, but the “usual” parental guidance was missing. I started going off the track at an early age, was into mild street drugs and basically doing whatever I felt inclined to do, very early on. I was supporting myself and doing reasonably well. I had a partner, but often we were in different geographical locations. He was quite a bit older than me, and had work contracts in set locations. I wanted to “get out there’, “live life”, and was hitching around Aussie (lived out of a back pack for 3 years). My partner and I would be together for a month or two at a time (periodically and when we could be) and all was relatively good (I thought).



Then, late 78, it was over between my partner and I – and not on my choosing. I thought we would be together for life. I was heartbroken and went into a big slump. I had lost all direction, hopes and dreams, and nothing much mattered anymore. I was in Western Australia – a long way from friends and family on the east coast, and from NZ which was my “home”.



I ended up in a bad scene in 79. I got into heavy drugs and was addicted. Along with that, were the usual activities needed to support that. I am ashamed that I stooped so low, and am ashamed of this part of my track, but by the same token, I am proud of how I got out of that, stepped up from that and totally turned my life around in short order.



Here I was now, in 98 (this night at the AO, nearly 20 years later), successful in life and business, and in love and friendship. I had been with my husband 17 years by this time, and we had three beautiful boys 11, 9 and 8. I was a “successful” Scientologist. Had trained early. Was the C/S for the local org for years and had received Kha Khan Status. Just before the birth of my second child, I left staff, then was consulting in the field. I had FSM’d over 100 new people in, in a six month period (received power FSM “status”). Was recruited by USA mission, to be ED of the Org (my third son was about 2 at the time. Was ED for three years- and built that org while I was there. Was also working closely with AO. They sent me on interstate tours (in SO uniform-which I didn’t like). Along with a "partner in crime", I was active on the board for our Scn school here, active on the OT committee, and was highly awarded for contribution in “making” the AO St Hill Size.



Long gone, was my pre Scn history. I had let that go the day I arrived in Sydney (my 21st birthday), when I shut the door of the truck, and said goodbye to the truckie who I had hitched a ride with from Perth.



But now, on this night in 98, somehow this horrid part of my life (in 79) had relevance. Why would this be brought up? What did this have to do with anything? 


Somehow, and I don’t remember why, all the degraded incidents of this time, were pushed in my face. It didn’t matter that there were no reads, or no charge and that the “happiness rundown” had “handled” any lingering shame blame and regret in my universe. 



I had no fight in me this night. I complied. Wanted to keep the peace (have always felt bad about my short wick and causing trouble, cause I like harmony and do aspire to creating circumstances where that can be). While these guys were next door, I had to give accounts of every degraded dirty sexual encounter. At times, I had given the account, but then after instruction through the ear piece obviously, Shane would go back and pick up something supposedly finished with – and ask for the most GRAPHIC, SPECIFIC, MINUTE detail possible, on every little thing. I was getting more and more solid and more and more introverted. This wasn’t sec checking. There was no regard for what did or didn’t read. It was just like they had grabbed my hair at the back of my head , and were pushing my face into the mud, further and further. Having the mob next door watching/listening, made it all the more intimidating.



What was their intent? Did they just want to cave me in, force me into submission to being “a good little girl”, punish me for being a thorn in their side, or what? Were the evil pricks also out for some kind of weird, kinky, perverted sexual gratification, by pulling everything apart and insisting on such graphic detail? Why grind me down, and intimidate the fuck out of me, by requiring such an insignificant smutty account of everything to the nth degree?



To this day, I don’t really know why I complied. Some damage from that night still lingers. I can think about it analytically, but it doesn’t make sense. I can generally muster strength, especially when the chips are down, but I was “beaten”, and that night I was “theirs”.



Got out of their around 2.30 am. Don’t know how I got home.

In the morning, I got my hubby to handle the logistics with the kids, and I went back to sleep. I had no concern for work or cycles needing my attention. I didn’t want to confront the world, I just wanted to hide from the world and go back to sleep – I did. 



I woke up, surprisingly well rested. I was keyed in, but was looking at what went down. I had breaky outside with the birds and the trees. I was looking at things somewhat analytically/rationally. “Yes, I had put myself in their hands”. “How fucked were they, to take me back there in that fashion”. “How could anyone if not powered by “evil”/“the black side”, be so cruel”. “How could anyone put another, through such a grueling, harrowing experience?”



I didn’t mention in my post about that horrid “interview/session”, that the “auditor” was evaluating and invalidating as we went along. He said stuff like “God, that’s gross!”. “Did you think that that was OK at the time?” “Do you think it’s OK or acceptable still?” – and such variations with inflections/emphasis on certain words , in order to invalidate/introvert me. It worked at the time, but now the next day as I was looking at it, I could see how evil it actually was (and rightly or wrongly, I thought about how anal, and sexually naive that no doubt he was – joining the SO as a kid. Somehow that helped). That detached me somewhat from what went down, and something “shifted” for me in regard to that “interview” (after which I felt like a rotting garbage). 



However, I was still very “lossy” and very sad – about what I had “lost” and about the future. This was a group of people I had worked with and for, for many years. I had all ready been through the grinder I had thought, after months of sec checks and ethics handlings o/w write ups, face rips, and worst of all being ignored and not spoken to by any and all crew/staff/field (I could see people give me a side way glimpse, but then quickly look away – they wouldn’t dare be seen talking to me). And what about Scientology – the “thing” that helped me save my life and start a new life (and the thing that I had used, to help so many others do the same). OT levels (and what they promised) were never really a button for me. Living life with the tools for life to create better circumstances for myself, my family and friends and all – was! It had become my life. That was now all down the gurgler. I knew that my life in Scn was over, I couldn’t be part of that game and keep up the fight anymore. I was introverted and lonely about how and why things were always so difficult for me, and why I never seemed to “fit” or “belong” anywhere.



That aside, I was trying to work out how to slip away, without getting declared. For various reasons (that I now consider inane), this was of major concern to me. At this point, I could not accept the prospect of putting my boys into a position down the track, where they’d have to either forfeit me or Scn (stupid in hindsight). I kept going over and over in my mind, how I could play this out, without a label.



In the afternoon, I was driving the boys to some sport thing. We were all “talking” in the car. Then my eldest said to me “Mummy, you’re talking, but you’re not listening”. It stung! It was true! I hadn’t been listening to them, and I hadn’t been there for them for months. I handled all their logistics and all, got them to school, rugby training, etc, etc, etc – but I had dropped them in regard to any kind of emotional or spiritual support. For whatever reason, I keyed in on this big time. I could barely pull the car over, and I just bawled uncontrollably (not something I would do). I couldn’t stop it. I was aware of the boys, but not of much, and had lost control. 



This bit is somewhat embarrassing, but is significant:


I figure now, that my little darlin’s must have been looking out the window, with their big brown eyes, reaching for help. This “stranger” (a man much older than me), opened my driver’s side door, escorted me to the footpath, and just held me in his arms while I sobbed and sobbed. He said nothing. I settled. The man kissed me on the forehead, and walked on off, up the footpath. It was like he was an angel from heaven (without getting too spiritually significant/airy fairy or nuthin’). 


My spirits lifted from that point. Straight up! By night time, I was feeling strong. Had a call from org again. And this time, in my mind, it was “Yep, I’ll go in this one last time to end cycle”. I went in with a very different viewpoint, and different headspace. Somehow, they didn’t have me by the throat now. The threat, seemed to have disappeared, and I felt like I was prepared to go into battle (I knew that I wouldn’t win the war, but I was determined to leave and end off on a point with some restored self esteem – desecrated entirely (although temporarily), the previous night. 


3rd INTERROGATION


I went into the org, with a “what now ya c’nts?”, type of attitude, but I had a calm cool front. I was ready to end cycle. Then I was told that I was going to be given a correction cycle by my original auditor (who had done some of my NOTS and done my sec check in the previous months). Back into the room. Again I saw CO OSA and those RTC missionaries go into the one next door. I was curious about that, and prepared for a trap. Next thing Shane walked in and locked the door as usual, with a nasty smirk on his face. This just made me step up! This time Shane was asking me for my crimes. “We know you have crimes, what are they?” “What are your crimes?” “What have you done?” and all sorts of variations of. But I had my TRs right in this night, and was not feeling fearful, so very calmly turned it around – “No, what are your crimes? I’ve already given mine. What are yours?” “What have you done?” “What are you doing?” “What are you trying to do?”. I directed these questions to the “auditor”, and sometimes to the camera lens (with specific intent to the RTC MAA missionaire who looked like a clone of DM, except that he was tubbier – and had a sour look on his face ALL the time). My TRs and confront, were way above my “auditor’s” that night. I used the opportunity to communicate to the whole four of them, and say things that I couldn’t in the last months, due to being cut off or pushed up against a wall for back flash or whatever. As much as he persisted, then so did I, and more. I was feeling more hatred than I had ever felt in my life, and I was flowing it. I was certainly of the mind that I was confronting evil that night, and I wasn’t having loving thoughts). He must have been “beckoned” out of the room 3 times that night, and face ripped. I heard the yelling. He certainly wasn’t making me “crack” this night, and I was taking a win on that. 



Then I told him, that I was done, that I had had enough, that they could declare me or whatever, but that I was going. I got up to leave. Shane was in front of the door and shoved me on the chair. I got up again, and we struggled. He was way taller and stronger than me, and I didn’t have Ax’s “incredible hulk” thing to call on – but I had lungs, and I used them. I started screaming - “let me out”, “help” at the top of my voice. I caused a racket as intended, and there was a knock at the door. It was Vicki, CO OSA. I “settled” and told her that I was going. She tried to “handle” me, but I told her that it was over, and that if she didn’t let me go, “right fucking now” that eventually my husband would be there to rescue me, and that I’d be going straight to the police when he did. I was calm and determined on the exterior, but inside, I was shaky. My heart was pounding and I felt like I was “in” way over my head. I didn’t like or respect any of these people, and certainly didn’t hold them in any kind of high esteem, and I had all but won this last battle, but still for some reason, I still felt the fear running through my veins. I pretended to be calm, then Vicki said “It’s OK, it’s all over, just go home and get some rest”, we’ll see you tomorrow. I said very obligingly “alright then, I’ll do that”. 



I left the AO at that point. I got home, tidied up some admin cycles that needed handling, packed up some gear for the kids and me, organized some meals for hubby who would be home alone, and was set to take off out of the city for a few days, when the boys woke up.



I woke the boys early and we left. I went up to stay with an old friend who I had trained with, holidayed with (our kids grew up together) and worked with.



I tried to explain to him what went down, but it was hard for him to understand what went down. It would have been hard for me too, if I was in his shoes, cause we’d never heard of this kind of thing happening in orgs before. In our naivety at the time, we were thinking that they must have thought that I was really “bad”. Neither of us had the picture at the time. 



So what to do? I just wanted to "walk"/"get out". But he got me to “write it up”. He set me up on his dining room table, gave me the red and green vols, and I started writing it up. I found and used about 30 references in my reports, that directly and undisputedly applied. They had been directly and undisputedly violated. And for the hell of it, I wrote a cram on Shane (“auditor”) via Snr C/S Int (fat lot of use that would’a been). This took a couple of days, in between bush walks, some fun on a dirt bike, and play with the boys. 



Meanwhile, the org had tracked me down. They were ringing him continuously. He was caught between a rock and a hard place. They were telling him that I’d be declared if he didn’t put me in the car right now and take me to the AO. They told him that I had blown a “Sec Check” that they’d “missed” something on me, and they needed to clean it up for my sake. They told him that if he continued to give me shelter and continued to be in agreement with me, that he too would get declared. He was in a bit of a spin on this. I had put him in an awkward predicament, and I told him that I would go. He insisted that I finish the KR’s (write ups), which I did.



They were insisting that they talk to me, but he held his space, shielded me from that, and copped the wrath for not handing over the phone. I was doing OK. I could see that he was going into spin mode. Once the KR’s were done, he drove down to the AO to deliver the copies, and see the “powers that be”. He got back, and looked like a stunned mullet! He was sad and didn’t know what way to turn.



He gave me a copy of my comm-ev charges (hot off the press). I was being comm-ev’d for all sorts of financial irregularities and stuff, putting org at risk etc, and several high crimes. The charges that stood out in the issue, were “out 2D”, and “blowing a sec check and refusing to return, despite numerous recovery efforts by many”. Lovely! While the issue was a shocker, it was just about laughable. It certainly is laughable as I think about it today. 



One of the “reasons” that I was in ethics trouble for months, prior to those last “interviews”, was because of a large dissemination cycle that I had orchestrated and run. On my comm-ev issue, there were many charges relating to this cycle, so, I’ll fill you in fairly briefly on what went down.



I had been off staff for about a year or so. My husband and I had set up and were running a Hubbard College of Admin in Sydney. I was also running a marketing business, and was a partner in a telecommunications business. We had scientologists and non-scientologists working for us. 



I got a lead on an “opportunity” to use a potential advertising site in the centre of the city for dissemination. Stupid me took up the opportunity. The main benefactor for this project was a selectee of mine. To cut a very long story short (two years of much time and effort), we ended up with:


- an “exploding” fiberglass volcano (lights, smoke, etc)


- 30’wide x 20’ high, x 12’wide (from memory)


- With a 10’ x 10’ video screen on top (for advertising)


- on George St in Sydney (in the middle of the night life area in the CBD)


- with a 1.5 + 1.5 yr lease and option, including the right to sub-let. 



We had initially been going for a 3 + 3 yr lease and option, but we changed this after our major benefactor was not able to secure funds that he thought he could, to fund the project. This was all understood and “agreed upon” by the then Marketing Exec Int Ronnie Miscavige, and the then ED ASI David Bloomberg. 



There was a big outdoor opening planned, but we had a major storm that night. George St was flooding. We ended up having it inside. Nancy Cartwright and an aussie singer/celeb Kate Ceberano, were there to do the opening. This night, a couple of senior ANZO Execs, and a couple of PR merchants from the field, were there taking all the kudos for the project being completed, and for the volcano being up and running. Dianetics was being advertised big time on the screen, and the volcano was drawing attention to it (we didn’t particularly like the look of the volcano btw, “not what the doctor ordered” actually, but we had no fall back on what was “delivered.”



Months went by, our benefactor had major problems liquidating funds (those he had at hand, were "spent on" or "reg’ed for" the “usual”). We had to get creative, and organized to sell advertising minutes on the screen. That was just a big “no no” by the org, and they promised a benefactor. We tried to sell them on the concept that the sale of these advertising minutes, would not only handle the rent for the next however many years, but also leave us with plenty more funds, for further advertising. But, no go! We bought the line that they had another benefactor, and got it in writing from the then Captain of the AO.



The new benefactor was not forthcoming. I ended up with an over draught that was getting bigger and bigger every month. We kept getting promises, and assurances etc. We were certainly strung along, for too long.


Given that I had it in writing from MEI (Ronnie Miscavige), that it was OUR project, and that whatever period of time we could maintain it would be a plus as far as management was concerned - we went ahead and organized a buyer for the lease. We wanted out, and selling the lease would have cleared the debts, and put us way in front – money that we had pledged to further dissem. Good solution all round ya would think. 



We put it in writing to the ANZO Execs (or at least my hubby did in "good old aussie fashion"), to those we felt we needed to inform. The letter quite simply stated that we had a buyer for the lease that the org had not been forthcoming with funds as promised, that no way were we going to take up the option and extend the lease – as we simply didn’t have the money to fund it. Also that, we were already in debt over it, that the “promises” for funds had been going on too long, and that we were going to exercise our right to sell the option (lease for 1.5 years). He stated that in doing this, not only will the volcano debts be cleared, but also there would be remaining funds that we were pledging to further dissem projects.



Went down like a ton of bricks. The three of us - my hubby, my long term Scn comrade and I, were called into the org. All the top brass in ANZO (11 of them) were sitting in the AO conference room, around the big board room table, and they got us in there one at a time. I can’t remember how long they had each of the boys in there, but I was in there for about two hours. These execs all took turns at beating me down, beating me into submission, putting me down, accusing me of crimes I didn’t commit, invalidating the crap out of me, etc ,etc, etc. They were trying to find out what I had “done”, what my “real” intentions were, and what I was "hiding" and kept on hammering the point (eleven against one – it was grueling). I was numb at the end of it, and literally couldn’t open my mouth. Was in such apathy, I think I was nearly dead. When the boys and I were allowed to get together, and got together after these interviews (about 3 am in the morning), we could hardly look at each other and it was at least 15 mins before any of us could utter a word. We finally discussed what had gone down, and it was the same for all of us. We were all “beaten”. Hard to explain in words how it felt.



They had given us the reality factor that we were to buy four intensives of sec checking each, or that we would be declared. That’s where my “months of ethics” started, prior to those three nights of "interviews" just before I left the CofS. 



I'll wrap this up now, and tell you about my comm. It wasn't a "biggie" for me (I had already ended cycle), but given my circumstances and what went down, it is indicative of how corrupt the "justice" within the CofS .


The comm-ev was a farce (as they usually are). Just like comm-ev’s in the past, judgment had already been made, but unlike previous comm-evs, I didn’t particularly fight the injustice this time.



The chairman did his thing, and it was obvious where he was at. As usual it was taped, and he was certainly “playing” the role, for those who would hear the tape. Two of the members “appeared” neutral, and one had her head down and obviously felt rotten about the whole thing (I even felt sorry for her a bit).



I was accused of much, and was asked to respond to the charges, so I did. I answered honestly, and gave the relevant info re each charge. I answered the questions that came up as a result of my responses, but those questions were few. In addition to that, the chairman asked many questions of his or the committees own making. It was surreal, cause if they had been listening to my responses in the first place, or actually looked at the data right in front of their faces then the insanity of the questions would have been obvious. The questions were based on the assumption that I had admitted guilt on everything, and they were actually sec check questions, but just simply asked. I can’t remember them all, but the following are some:


- Have you had any other out 2D, besides the one with Bob? (didn’t have the one with Bob, what d’ya mean any other?)


- Have you been involved in any sort of prostitution since being in the church? (yeah, right!)


- Do you now feel remorse for blowing the sec check? (not a sec check, no remorse)


- Are you willing to resume the sec check? (not a sec check and no way)


- How much money have you made from the volcano? (none, cost me $75k directly, not including cost of intensives for “real’ sec check and lost income due to lost time)


- Is there anyone else who has made financial gain from the volcano? (no, only financial loss and a major mind fuck)


- Are you intending on using Dianetics or Scientology in any way, which could result in financial benefit for yourself or others? (yeah right, like it’s there for the taking)



After the comm-ev, I was surprised that I didn’t get mad and/or react to those questions, but by that time I had had enough. I was over it, and I remember thinking “what’s the point?” 



For whatever reason, I was just allowed to “fade away” after that. There were comm-ev findings and of course I was guilty of every charge – including out 2D, blowing a sec check, and ripping off the church for personal financial gain. There were recommendations, but I never got to do them. I had already left the church by then.



For the record – I have NEVER experienced and have NEVER seen or heard of a comm-ev, where the person was found innocent. Comm-ev’s were definitely NOT a fact finding body in my 18 years experience in the CofS. If a comm-ev was ever issued, it was a foregone conclusion to all of us, that guilt was already pre determined, and the comm-ev was just a formality that would just add salt to the wound. 


IN SUMMARY


My hubby , the boys and I started a new life after this. We closed up our businesses, left the city, and bought into a 37 acre “hobby farm” with two other partners. It was a great distraction in regard to my introversion, loneliness and “loss”. For two years after my last chapter in the org, besides some part time work and the kids, I just got stuck into working on the property - gardening, landscaping, tractor work, clearing barbed wire, clearing blackberries, old stumps etc. It was extroverting work which I was used to and liked (as a kid, we had a mixed farm – a family affair for sure – on the Canterbury Plains in NZ). It was the perfect move for us. The boys were 8, 10 and 11 at the time. The bush, the horses, the motorbikes, the dam, the tractor, the chooks, the dogs the pig, the space to run around (and even the bloody snakes) etc, etc, etc - made it a real adventure for them. Having “mum and dad” back in spirit again, wasn’t bad either.


Our eldest is back in the city now, working as an international flight consultant, and doing very well. We are very good friends - we talk a lot, he visits here, and we visit him. The youngest two are still living at home (thank goodness per me, maybe not per hubby), and will probably stay with us, till they finish uni or find a girl who’ll do for them what mum does. They love it on this property, and share it with their mates - motor bikes, bush bashers, go-carts, pool parties, bonfire gatho’s, a cabin to entertain their mates and/or girls, and not forgetting the odd game of cricket on the lawn or footy in the paddock.


Hubby still commutes to the city for work, but I am working on a small development project, which will mean that he will soon have more time for surfing (which he does all year round and loves). I love it here amongst the garden, the trees and the bush, and there’s nothing like seeing the kookaburra so happily perched on my clothes line, or the sound of the cockatoos when they arrive in their hundreds to pick on the pine cones from the trees over the back. 


Things are good for us. I can’t say that I regret my time in Scientology – cause I don’t. It wasn’t all bad. It gave me life and love and through it I learnt so much. Everything has turned out for the best for me, and besides that, the various lessons I’ve learned, I wouldn’t be without. We have been fortunate – I am truly sorry for and feel for those who haven’t been!


I wrote up this final episode/chapter for the benefit of others (I thought). I felt I had an obligation to do so. But since doing so, I have been pleasantly surprised on what it’s done for me. I didn’t realize what a cloud I had hanging over me, until I wrote up this stuff, posted it, and got your responses. I had always taken the episode too personally, and to a large extent was still introverted on it. I am not now. I now see the whole thing as it was – an effort by the CofS to just shut me up, and stop any influence I might have, by putting me into a hole.

I’m certainly way out of the hole now. I have my fight back, and have restored my purpose to help – but this time, I’m on the other side of the fence.