Waking up| Waking up | | Print | |
| Thursday, 02 December 2010 09:02 |
Breaking out of the worst prison that can existI admit it: I lived in my “own world,” as in a film. Right in front of me I did see strange things happen. They didn't fit into that “film“ so I invented explanations or simply paid no attention. I not-ised and censored them out. This is my account how I “woke-up.”“Now, a thetan on the other hand, all out of thin air, has as his greatest accomplishment the ability to create, form, maintain, a universe. So when he has this ability of creating a universe, this dims out so that he's not doing it very intelligently. And he sees a bunch of things in the universe that he doesn't want to look at ― he gets a dispersal there ― he combines these two talents. So the universe he builds is below the level of the current universe he's in. And you have to bring him north to find out he's in a trap.” (15 July 1957, Scientology and Effective Knowledge) I know of no better description. In my “world“ or my “universe” all Scientologists were well-intentioned, tried to live an honest life, lived by the Auditor's Code, would pay back any borrowed money in due time, and tried to make this planet a better place. They would try to commit no harmful acts or repair them when done. That was the “world” I had lived in. It didn't look unreasonable. Because those were the aims Ron had issued for Scientology, I had assumed that all Scientologists would share them, by definition. And many of the Scientologists I have met over the years were not only just well-intentioned; amongst them I have met some of the most dedicated, hard working and tough persons I have seen for a very, very long time. In battle, I would have selected them to fight on my side, without hesitation. Some were funny beyond belief, others strong, straight and friendly. They fitted in my picture. So this was right, too. But occasionally there was “friction.” I felt upset when some person behaved differently than “my world“ had expected it. It hurt my reality. It gave me riddles, and I found “explanations“: this person had “misunderstoods,” “overts,” “sick intentions” and “for sure that would be corrected one day when he would go up the Bridge.” But when such “friction” came from a person, who claimed to be high on the Bridge, I lacked explanation. Dutifully I wrote reports and continued to live in my “world of everyone is good.” (Proud, that I had done something, so that some other person could help the concerned member – and the person then would fit into my “film” of expectation.) It didn't occur to me that there could be something else wrong, too. And there was. And it was wrong with me! I had lived in my own “should-be” world of “every Scientologist is well-intentioned.” And I even had also included everyone who claimed, he would be a “Scientologist.” I absorbed anything that proved me right, like the official promo, it fitted in my “film.” Anything else was not liked, ignored, explained away, found “reasons for.” There were Bulletins that never made it into my “film“ completely. Yes, I could read them, I could quote them, but when the exact things described happened right in front of my eyes, I did not recognize them as that what they were. It was that bad. “All characteristics classified as those of the ‘suppressive person’ are in fact those of an insane person. The easiest way for a C/S to detect the insane are: 1. Pretending to do a post or duties, the real consistent result is destructive to the group in term of breakage, lost items, injured business, etc. 2. The case is no-case-gain or roller coaster and is covered under ‘PTS-symptoms.’ 3. They are usually chronically physically ill. 4. They have a deep but carefully masked hatred of anyone who seeks to help them. 5. The result of their ‘help’ is actually injurious. 6. They often seek transfers or wish to leave. 7. They are involved in warfare, with conflicts around them which are invisible to others. On wonders how can they be so involved or get so involved in so much hostility. “Possibly the only frightening thing about it is the cleverness with which it can be hidden. Whereas sane people can become angry or upset and a bit destructive for short periods, he or she recovers. The insane mask it, are misemotional continuously and do not recover. (Except by modern processing.) “Hearing of something good that might help these hateful, awful, rotten, nasty people, the psycho comes in, wrecks this, upsets that, caves in this one, chops up that one, and WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS ‘NO!’ the psychotic either: a. caves himself in physically or b. runs away. “The psychotic is motivated by intent to harm. If he realizes he is harming things he shouldn't, he caves himself in. If he is afraid he will be found out, he runs. “Sometimes one only becomes aware of these when things are getting worked on and improved. They stay on as long as it can be made bad or there is hope it can be destroyed. Then, when intention is given to improvement, they blow (run away). Artists, writers often have these types hanging around them as there is someone or something there to be destroyed. When success or failure to destroy or possible detection appears on the scene, they blow, often as destructively as possible. “Orgs are subjected to a lot of this. A psychotic sometimes succeeds in blowing off good staff. And then sooner or later realizes how evil he is acting and sickens or leaves. “The society is not geared to any of this at all. The insane walk around wrecking the place and decent people think it's ‘human nature’ or ‘inevitable’ or a ‘bad childhood.’” (HCO Bulletin, 28 November 1970, PSYCHOSIS) Please note: “Orgs are subjected to a lot of this.” That sentence had never made it into my “film.” To me “all Scientologists were good people.” And the most of them are, indeed! My error was that I had ceased to look. My waking upIt happened in little gradients, crack-by-crack the shell of “everyone, who calls himself a Scientologist is well-intentioned” gave in to crumble away. These moments of friction helped me to make contact with the real universe around me. Even if many of the episodes below are suppressive, observing them has helped me. And for that aspect I would like to thank that person under description. (I know that was not her intention when she did those things. She helped to up my ability to confront and to recognize what I saw in front of my eyes.) Today, I consider that as the process of “finding out where I am” concerning that group.The episodes below were done by one specific person, over many years. It was not David Miscavige, although there are similarities. The name of that person is not given here, it is not important for this essay. I want to communicate how I “woke up.” If you need a moment to digest a point, just take the time for it. This list consists solely of occurrences, that I did NOT like to look at. While reading this list, if you experience a dispersal as described in the quote above, - the sensation of not wanting to look at those things, - that they occurred in a Scientology organization, if you think “Oh, no!” or “What the hell isn’t that?” or “How could she?” “Why wasn't it corrected?” that is all okay, just continue to look and “flatten” it. “And your ability to know the subject is your ability to look. No more, no less than that. Now, the only thing, actually, that anyone can do for you is to provide you with an example of having looked, and perhaps to furnish you a little road map saying, ‘If you travel up this way there's some scenery.’ Got it? ‘And if you look at this scenery real hard, it won't bite you.’” (15 July 1957, Scientology and Effective Knowledge) 1. I did Mood-Drills. (An exercise to understand the various different emotions and to un-fix one, if one should be stuck in one mood.) When we hit “controlling bodies” on the minus-tone scale, the person under description was just brilliant. I gave a “pass” for that emotion right away, and was shocked later when I remembered the Bulletin and realized, that that was her chronic tone level. But at that point I felt that I couldn't walk into the org anymore and say, “Come, we have to flatten a tone level.“ She had moved into a position high on the Org Board, with everyone giving in to that very tone level, mistaking it for power. And later I included that in my list of overts: I have not been alert, instead of confronting what I had seen and then applying the Bulletin (the Bulletin requires that such a tone-level, when found, is thoroughly worked at.) And that initial technical overt had contributed to open the gates for the paralyzing of an entire area. 2. When Management enforced that people would write a success story for internet publication, she wrote a story that said in essence; “I can control others now.” That was her biggest win. 3. She was OT VIII when she called another staff member into her office and told her about a “cognition:” “You know, ever since I had difficulties with the ARC-triangle, to understand what it is all about and why people make such a fuss about it. And now I got it, after all those years I realized that it is just a tool! A tool to make people do what you want them to. That's all, just a tool.” 3. When entering the office her OT VIII certificate was greeting you as first thing to see, next to a picture of the Freewinds. That made me always feel small and unimportant. It restimulated my goal of doing OT-Levels. And it restimulated having them not done yet. Today I believe that this arrangement was not without intention. Many a staff member or public would be in the proper devote mood when sitting in front of her huge $2,500 glass-table. This was the biggest and most expensive furniture in the entire org. It seemed to represent her sense of her own importance in regard to the rest of the org. 4. In her talks she bragged with her connections, like “my friend, that … (famous artist)“, “The COB has put me on post personally,” “When our friend … (that famous artist) had visited us at home...” “My best friend, ...(ED of another org).” That was when that ED was still on post. After that ED was sacked, she had the cognition that that ED was a “devil” and had had secret plans to take over ...(her area). 5. She made use of a “Hidden Data Line” by mentioning her knowledge of data or connections that others wouldn't have. “I, being an OT VIII, think ….” “You will understand that, when you have done the OT-Levels,” “I had a huge cognition when I was in Flag” (used as a counter-argument, but not explained. So one wouldn't want to invalidate her “cognition,” nor did one know what that “cognition” was or if it was relevant to the matter under discussion. One would be just beaten with a mystery. 6. Occasionally she would mention what one of such “cognitions” of her was. In one occasion it was “I realized that everyone is after me.” 7. In a period where org income was low and other staff members were living on eggs and oatmeal, the Class-V-Org equivalent of rice-and-beans diet, she went around and proudly showed to those staff her new diamond ring, her husband had just given to her as a present. 8. For some celebration all staff were invited to go in a restaurant together. She selected a restaurant with kind of medieval culture, where you eat with your fingers. She commented her choice of that location to another exec with the words. “You cannot go with these staff anywhere else. They don't know how to eat with knife and fork, anyhow.” 9. For some events, like the celebration of her own OT VII-completion (I think she completed it two or three times.) She rented a big room in a hotel, instead of using the facilities of the org. The completion of another OT VIII was given attention only by permitting to say something at muster. However, before she permitted that she checked first if this other OT VIII would not say something wrong. 10. Particular stress was put upon making clear to others, staff or public, who would be “dangerous,” was not to be contacted for call-ins, wouldn't be “welcome” in the org, would be “nattering,” would “enturbulate only,” would have overts, would be “PTS,” be an “SP” or a “degraded being,” would “only criticize” her, etc. etc. 11. When a Tours-Reg from a higher organization showed her his lists of prospects, she attempted to get him to cancel a certain public, saying that this public must not be permitted to do OT-Levels, because this public “would have overts.” That registrar answered that they would “handle overts” in their organization. (And we all laughed ourselves silly.) 12. When a staff member listed the name of the person under description as the Item in a PTS-Interview. That “Auditor” (!???!) informed her about her naming directly after the session. Our person under description sent this staff member to another org for an “Ethics-program.” After that staff member had left she spread the “news“ in the org that this staff member would have “blown“ and will be declared for that. And that no one would be permitted to go into communication. She instructed Reception that this staff member is not permitted to enter the premisses. She had the office and desk of that staff member cleaned out and assigned it to another staff member. When this staff member returned to the organization and wanted to enter she was told that she would be forbidden to enter and handed a box containing personal things. 13. An application to declare that staff-member was prepared and written. When the CLO noticed turmoil in the area, our person under description did a very clever move (she thought), she asked for a Third-Party-Investigation. The plan was to throw so much dirt on the “blown” staff member that this staff member will be “found” as the Third Party and that would have been the last nail to complete the application for the SP-declare. In fact the CLO-Mission that did the investigation had the fully written up application for the declare on the very table they were doing the Third-Party-instigation on – only the last point missing of “finding“ her as the Third Party, and then to be mailed. 14. That plan failed. Our person under description was found herself to be the number one with the highest number of Third-Party spread. The CLO-mission balked at applying the next steps of the procedure of issuing who was found as Third-Party, explained it away with “she has just repeated Third-Party talk from someone else” and “she cannot be the Third Party, because she has called for the investigation” or she cannot be it “because of her post” and announced another person, as “being the Third-Party.” Now the field was really in turmoil! There was so much protest that they issued another Ethics Order canceling the first one, announcing that “A wrong Third Party has been found.“ However, the right one was never indicated and given to the “PC – the public.” 15. One example of her “help.” She had called a female staff member in her office and appeared to give her good advice for life concerning the second dynamic. She told her that she should not get involved with a poor staff member, but rather should “get herself a wealthy business man, like she herself has done it.” 16. She explained that she would have rather preferred a blond, blue-eyed, handsome man (the body of her husband then, had different characteristics.) That “problem” would have cost her “lots of money in auditing.” She even “had to have children” with him, which she found to be very “disgusting,” but she wanted “to have that man” - and he had such a “wonderful gift to deal with money.” (Please note that these “lots of money in auditing” that it costed “her” had been payed by that very man she talked about.) 17. In at least two cases she tried to talk a staff-member into doing an abortion, because “it would be better for the majority of the Dynamics.” 18. In one occasion our person was caught when she falsified a statistic and she justified it with “it is better for the greater number of dynamics” because “when I get trouble with the CLO, this is not good for my dynamics.” (Please note the concept of “her dynamics” and “the CLO,” as being separated.) 19. One staff member was kicked off staff (after he had caught her in falsifying a statistic) because “he was only part-time staff” and so “wasn't fully on board.” (He had to work for his living.) She had “routed him out.” When he wanted to do OT levels later, she wrote a report that he should not be permitted to do OT levels because “he would have blown staff.” Fortunately, he still had her written order to route out. (Please note the the use of the concept of “perfection” to stop. He was not “perfect” as a staff member and so had to leave.) 20. In many, many cases, she would not receive a Knowledge Report without writing a counter-report. When possible, she had other staff members write those counter-reports. She convinced them to write those “to protect her from noise” and “to push power to her.” One example: A staff-member reported a specific financial irregularity. Her retaliation was a report saying “This staff-member is PTS.” Typically it was not even to the same comm-cycle. 25. When a new public had selected a friend and brought him into the org for service, she arranged in more than one case that her husband did the regging instead of the registrar of the org and then “became” the FSM (and would get the FSM-commission). I remember overhearing one phone call where she spoke to her husband and explained, that he would become the “FSM” when he just “postulates“ that this public would get a loan at the bank. 26. When she had ordered many boxes with a mix of old files to be thrown away without thorough inspection, a public queried that order. She answered that for her, being an OT VIII, there would exist no past anymore, and insisted on throwing these boxes away. 27. She took her annual vacations with her family, aside from her travels to Flag or the Freewinds, while such was unthinkable for other staff members. 28. While on OT VII, she frequently talked to other staff members about having strong head-aches and took regularly pain killers to relief them. 29. After explaining on a big event, how she, being “the Thetan of the town,” would bring order into this “messed up” org and boom it to St. Hill size, she gave a lift to a staff member in her car. She bragged that she herself would not believe such and that she thinks that in reality this would take many years. This staff member was shocked. After that he blew from staff. 30. When she did an “Ethics-Interview” on a public who had confessed an overt, she started with some general questions, like how he would be doing in life. Then she asked him, “Do you desire to be exterior?” When he was overwhelmed by charge and collapsed crying on the table, she smiled and without saying one further word, left the room. At muster she told that she had a win, something like that she “has gotten someone's ethics in.” (Don't tell me that she didn't knew what she was doing; she was OT VII.) 31. When there was a heavy traffic accident in front of the org, the arm of a motor-cycle driver torn off, laying on the street, most everybody of the staff in shock, she explained “serenely” that such would be quite “natural,” “because we are getting order in, so confusion comes up.” --- This is how I “woke up.” It was painful. I lost my universe of “every Scientologist is good.” I learned that one cannot look and exclude what is unpleasant to look at, at the same time. And with a true and more complete perception of what was there, I could start to think sensibly about how to deal with it. And I was not paralyzed anymore. Written by Worsel A very personal afterwordI feel no hate or disaffection toward that person. I understand her to be in quite a difficult situation. A life without affinity or ARC is a gruesome penalty. I understand that the attitude she based her actions on, may have seemed to be a solution for a very difficult situation. It may very well be that – although she may consider me an enemy – I am one of the very few persons, who could be a friend and could help her. And if she would make it over my doorsteps, I would give it a try. It would start out with real Ethics and real Conditions.Anyone who thinks it is a good idea to undertake efforts to destroy the original Scientology or the movement still keeping it alive, the Independent movement, please, think it over. Study that idea thoroughly. Because it would mean to undertake efforts to destroy the only chance for freedom you have, personally. There is none in the dependent C of S. If you think, a life without friends, without true affinity is a safe solution, you have created a personal “world“ for you, that may turn out to be the worst prison that can exist. If you can, find the point, when you decided that you better trust no one. And look again: There can be help. No matter, what you have done. No matter, what others may seem to have done to you. Worsel |
"Scientology has been taken over by a self-appointed dictator, David Miscavige, who has turned the Creed of the Church of Scientology, the Code of a Scientologist, and the Credo of a True Group Member on their heads and instituted the virtual practice of Reverse (Black) Dianetics..." 
Comments
Man, this person you described is one poor example of an OT Vlll. It appears to me she hasn't even made it on Grades.
Totally into herself, a serfac that she operates thru, status hungry, being interestING instead of interestED, and has totally missed Scientology.
I understand you thanking her for the wake-up ... her condition is nothing to aspire to - if anything she is one to be avoided.
I doubt if she would allow herself to be helped - she would have to have someone say 'No', then she'd cave in, then it would be possible - a long road, but possible.
Thanks again for the article.
Do well.
The hardest for me was to break through that dispersal that started when I was confronted with these facts. I couldn't just confront it. I had to find explanations and all, to account for the divergence from my picture of "a scientologist". But finally I managed to apply the confusion formula. I realized why there is the lowest confront on evil: Because a being is good and to duplicate evil it requires to overcome the widest difference to being good. How can ARC duplicate non-ARC?
The drill to re-adjust one's confront when it starts to disperse was the key for me.
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