Ex-Class V Org Staff Member takes a stand 

G’day.  Let me start by telling you how I got the title for this particular article.  Well, it was coined by the wonderful Joe Howard who I have been in comm  With for the last month or so-as well as Thoughtful and Marty Rathbun (my other heroes).

When I decided  to remove the black cloud of Scientology management that was hovering just above my head wherever I went or whatever I did, I had to make sure that I had the safest terminals possible because I knew this was not going to be an easy thing to do and that was the beginning of my own salvation.

The Tassie Devil.  When Joe Howard emailed me and validated me for my integrity he said he thought being an aussie that I might be like the Tasmanian devil from the Bugs Bunny cartoons.  Well!  I leant back into my chair and laughed.  Yes, I could see truth in that statement.  But I also saw how every single contributor on this site and many more that aren’t even on this site are Tassie devils too.  So I am not alone and all of us have the confront and personal integrity in to stop the degradation of our fellow human beings, the emptying of parishioners bank accounts, the squirreling of our precious precious technology and dare I say it, the hope of salvaging our fellow men and women who are currently being betrayed and don’t even know it.

Was I afraid to leave the church.  Oh yes. I was afraid alright, I think the majority of us were weren’t we?....  So hard to explain  why to the uninitiated, so to find this website was my godsend and Mary Jo Leavitt’s report was the clincher for me.  MJ wrote what I knew but had denied.  So with this new armor plate of theta surrounding me, I could make my move.

Meticulous planning was needed to ensure that I could impinge on as many  “in” Scientology as I could.  My main objective was to at least have the hope of putting a tiny truth virus into the mind of as many SO members as possible.

What do I mean by truth virus you ask?....Well, I’ll tell you.  Now, I have never really been a Star Trek fan but one day I watched an episode of Star Trek, it was an episode where they had captured a Borg (men caught and linked to a single power).  In this particular episode the Star Trek heroes had managed to inject  some individuality into “Hugh” the captured Borg and apparently this was the beginning of the demise of the Borg.  The individuality spread through the colony like a virus.  At the time (2000) I said to my daughter “reminds me of the Org”.  We both laughed and said we better keep this one quiet, we’ll be declared for being jokers and degraders, but it did become our long running joke. “I’m going to the Borg” or “watch out, there’s  a Sea Borg mission in town”.  Neither of us actually saw how true this really was, we just thought it was amusing.

My daughter and I were both on staff at that time and really did not like what we saw and yes we “nattered” about the Org at times simply because what was going on stunk but we never ever dobbed each other in. All up at that time there was probably about  3 or 4 staff members that were definitely not the “norm”.   We all got into trouble  as a group at times and we all had at least one or two horrific  “ethics” cycles.  We all learnt very quickly what we could and couldn’t say and we remained loyal  to each other no matter what.  I remember one time we got sprung for something and all went to ethics together with a long long program and of course the never ending staple diet of o/w’s,  but in a little Org like ours that usually wasn’t so bad.  We sat next to each other in the hallway and chatted and one of us would be on the lookout for any exec’s coming our way.  Ahh.... The good old bad days!.  

I had one huge thing that I don’t think many others  had when they have left Scientology.  I was in the BEST of BEST Standing from a current  Scientology viewpoint when I walked into Brisbane Org with my head held high and handed in my resignation.

I sent shock waves through ANZO.  No one but no one could have possibly guessed that Lise Okane who was now back in the Org auditing would ever do this.  After all, I had been extremely compliant, easy to “handle” and had a huge helping hand extended most of the time. I had respect.  Did I mean for it to happen this way? No, I didn’t.  I was very genuine and I wanted to help (even though I refused to sign a staff contract).  I wanted to give a PC the gains that are truly available in auditing.  So I started auditing this absolutely gorgeous young lady and we were going very well and then BANG! It happened as it had happened so..many..times before. CMO terminal  ANZO comes in and destroys everything.  She slams my PC with an ethics program basically accusing her of being a squirrel because of an empty course room.  Wrong  target.  Wrong  why. And puts her on o/w’s.   Well that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

ENOUGH is ENOUGH.  My eyes were opened and very widely opened.  At first I was angry, so angry at myself.  How could I have not seen this all before.  I was an intelligent woman with plenty of common sense.  I knew that Scientology was like a big fat brick wall but what had made continue to bash my head against this wall for so long. I guess as an analogy I could say: I thought the rules were to bash your head in as many times as needed to penetrate that wall to get the prize of freedom and sometimes others would just have to come over and start bashing my head for me to give me the needed “strength” to get through.  So when you think this, and you believe this, then you tend to do this. From the start I had a thirst for the knowledge that was unquenchable,  but  I also valued my free part of life outside of staff as well so I was able to stop losing all my individuality to the Borg think to a degree.

I decided when I was on staff status II and had read  “Knowledge Reports” that I wasn’t going to be one of those guys that just watched Joe stick pins into others. NO WAY.  I wrote my reports but gradually over time they did get less and less because there was rarely any action taken and actually the major action taken was my own comm Ev  come to think of it.  Out of 100% individuality I guess as an estimate I gave 70% to Scientology, just enough to comply and silently complain (whilst going into propitiation) until my contract ended in November '07 and then I would be free to be a public and that alone gave me more power than being a staff member.

It really did take me a while to readjust to the “wog world”.  I found it hard to not use scientologese  in my conversations with people and I was constantly worried I would get into trouble for any mistakes I might make in my new job.  These were de-programming  experiences and really was quite a feat to accomplish.  I can’t even begin to imagine how hard this must have been for all you ex SO. You are brave brave people.  So bit by bit I got my individuality back and started to think “how can I slip away quietly” but that was an impossibility.  I was the only trained GAT C/S in Queensland that qual’d to help. The rest were all ex so and not allowed to help.  So I decided that it wasn’t ever going to happen unless I upped and moved.  I thought to do that at times but in the end thought “why the hell should I feel that I have to move. I like Brisbane. It’s beautiful one day and perfect the next. It’s my paradise”.

So there I was with 95% of individuality back so if I went back into the Org and helped then it would be on my terms and my terms alone.  I went into help and I was revitalized to a degree but wary as well,   maybe the Org was better.  How wrong I was. It was worse.  I sat down in my c/s office and thought “What on earth made me possibly think it would be better.  Slap-slap.  Wake up and smell the roses Lise”.  But I had made a commitment and I decided I would get my PC through her auditing and maybe audit one more PC and then I’d resign.  Good idea, nice intentions.  Workable?...of course not, don’t be silly.  This is the most squirrel of squirrels, the Cof S admin lines that truly fit the defn of squirrel-goes round and round on his little wheel and gets nowhere.  The Dev-T merchants of  the Scn world. MANAGEMENT.

As mentioned earlier the last straw was the ethics program on MY PC.  How dare you bypass me, the auditor, and take away my control and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.  I tried to point out a reference but of course that was countered by the “correct” reference and a “don’t question me attitude” filled with theetie-wheetie uptoneness.  I said “ok”.  I was calm, cool and collected (on the outside).  I locked my office said a friendly goodbye to all that were there (about 4 people), got home, picked up pen and paper and I’m not kidding when I say I wrote my resignation letter in 15 minutes. I gathered my evidence adjusted the letter here and there and you know the rest.

I knew there was no way the Org was going to put my resignation letter up for all to see  and of course I didn’t expect them to, after all if I was still a partial Borg and an opinion leader in the field was leaving I certainly wouldn’t want to enturbulate the field even if it was true.  Keep in mind readers who haven’t been trapped, Borgness is a hard parasite to kill and does not die easily and is capable of being mutated by other Borgs who want you to stay in Borgdom.

Now if I had been capable of turning into a fly I would have been privy to the emergency meetings of OSA and CLO execs on how to handle this dangerous bomb and I could have planned more individuality  injections, but alas that was clearly impossible so I had to rely on my good friends Joe, Thoughtful and Marty for what may be the planned handlings. Their help was great. I decided to do the “handlings” but this was  to actually  provide me the opportunity to inject the “handlers” with a truth virus.  Have I succeeded?...I don’t know.  I would like to think I have and I leave forever holding that thought as my hope.

People still true or even ½ true to the current Church structure would see my actions as the betrayal of betrayals.  My goldenrod would be interesting I think. I seriously would not have a clue on what will be written, but as Rhett Butler said to Scarlett “frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”.

I have my freedom back. The black cloud hovering over and sometimes around my head has evaporated.  LRH says responsibility is what gives you the lightness of load and irresponsibility is what is the heavy burden on your shoulders. So I guess I took responsibility and it feels good.

So I end my departure from Scientology strong with a big thank you to you all.  May the force be with us and our swords sharp and penetrating as we “Davids” bring down the Goliath DM.

Written by Lise O'Kane