Life in the Sea Organization From 1985 till 2007
Ignazio Tidu
 A very personal view and experience.
Well, like any story real or imagined, mine has its beginning. How did itall start? It was July 30 1985 when I first arrived to the European Sea Org base where my experience was about to take its course. I had recently read almost every book available at the time in Italian on the subject of Dianetics and Scientology, I had tested the basic procedures, found them to be workable and practical, so being completely fascinated by the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard, decided to dedicate my life to help others by joining the Sea Organization ranks. It wasn't very difficult for the recruiter to close me; I had already made up my mind before he knew me at all.
So next day I was doing my basic educational training called Product zero. It consists of according to the teachings, of orienting a new member into the Sea Organization and increasing his abilities to confront MEST (Matter, Energy, Space, and Time) in their various aspects one runs into them in life. It included cleaning spaces, renovating etc. followed by a five hours period of study about the Sea Organization and its basic policies. My first impact was a bit shocking, when I was shown the premises of the place, and the berthing facilities. It wasn't what I had envisioned but a very poor image, but I wasn't going to give up just because of an ugly looking building and definitely not presentable berthing facilities, so I did my part and eventually completed my product zero in about four weeks.
Mind you, I had forgotten to tell you that since my reading of the book one of Dianetics, I had made a firm decision to become an auditor and a very best one of them. Having completed that introductory step I was briefly sent down to Milano to help a fellow staff member named Rico Loringett, who was down there to find customers for the services offered by the organization. In that occasion I had another unexpected surprise, when I was shown were I was supposed to sleep, at the then offices in Cormano, near Milano, there was an empty room and a mattress on the bare floor. I was again shocked, wondering to myself, what the hell is the matter here?
In 25 years of my life I had never seen such a disgrace yet that was supposed to be the elite group I had decided to join so eagerly. I tried to ignore what it could just be a mere unfortunate coincidence of an office being moved from a place to another and me being there at the wrong time.
The next day I meet this fellow staff member, he was simply contacting customers and selling church services sort of speak. After a couple of weeks of me being there, I was informed that I had been selected to go to Flag for training. Flag is the highest training Sea organization on the whole planet. I was very excited; it was like a privilege for me thinking I was soon going to become an auditor, just as I had planned. However that wasn't yet to happen, my own Organization, known as AOSH EU+AF at the time, had selected me for some other training, merely that of course supervisor, so I could train others. I was a bit disappointed, having no interest for that with the idea I wasn't good at all in training people. I knew I could learn things rapidly, but it was another thing when I tried to explain the subject to others, they simply couldn't get it, yet it seemed so simple to me.
Upon expressing my concern on the above, I was told not to worry as I wasn't going to explain anything, but would learn how to do it properly. So, I began to get ready for my first journey to Florida and find out in person what Flag was all about. It's called “The mecca of technical perfection” and I was more than just curious about it. So I got hold of a visa for entering the US and within few days I was for the very first time in America!
Despite being October 10 1985, it was very hot and humid at the Tampa Airport. I got a cab and went to Clearwater. There another surprise hit my face. The berthing facilities were horrific, even if they were rooms in the Forth Harrison, which at the time was undergoing renovations. I seemed to get too often in unpleasant room and board services of rather poor quality, yet I was part of the elite corps of the Sea Organization. It didn't quite add up, but it seemed not very important. So I began my training for which my own organization in Europe, was supposed to pay the senior organization of FSO (the Flag Service Organization).
From October 85 till March 86 I did a basic training which enabled me to become a course supervisor. I also received some processing from other students so it seemed to make me feel better and I was happy with it. Upon completion of my training line up I managed to return to my own base in Copenhagen. I was rapidly posted as the staff course supervisor and began to work at it. Another odd surprise upon returning to my berthing in Denmark was the fact that my luggage bag which I had stored in my berthing before leaving to the US, had been tampered with and someone had stolen personal belongings.
It was much unexpected as it was a church, but somebody robbed me. While getting familiar with my new post and berthing spaces, I had noticed that the food was so poor and unpleasant to eat that I had to use personal money to cope with it.
For security reasons someone had to stay on Watch duties all night long and when it came my turn I noticed that there was no logic preparation for a whole night long having to stay awake and alert. I give you an example, when I was in my military service, if I was on watch duty, I could go to sleep in between and so be properly set up for the actual time on duty. Well I'd have expected a similar thing, but it wasn't so. After having been on post all day long on Fridays, I was then supposed to stay all night long awake till next morning when the next guy will replace me. Needless to say, it was very hard to stay awake watching a monitor showing the locked up gate. Anyway, believe it or not, nothing was going to discourage me, but I had a brief moment of crisis.
It was not so easy to run a course room of staff members and particularly at the beginning when almost nobody would show up for study and the so called Executives where not an exception. According to the study Tech, as taught by LRH, they all were blown students full with misunderstood words. After a few months at it, I began to wonder if I had done the right thing, I felt as if I was wasting my time, I didn't train as an auditor and I was becoming more and more unhappy with the whole scene. So I decided I'd take a break and think it over. Unbeknownst to anybody else, I prepared my luggage and left the place to return home, in my beloved Sardinia. My fiance was rather surprised to see me, I had factually abandoned her upon my departure in July 85 with the idea that she'd eventually graduate the university and eventually join me later. That never happened of course. The next day I got a call from the so called chaplain which informed me that I was to return to the base right away or I'd get declared as a suppressive person. I had no clue of the so called severity of my action and most certainly didn't want to be declared by any means. I became more and more nervous and even my girlfriend noticed I wasn't happy at all despite being with her. That definitely proved to her she wasn’t ever going to join me in my new lifestyle.
After a week or so I returned to the base in Denmark and had to get sorted out with my status. I decided to stay, believing it was more important than anything else at the time. Shortly after, my girlfriend split up from me and told me so during a phone call. I was rather upset, but still convinced I was doing the right thing. In the following months, I began to train myself as an auditor, using my daily study time. That was what I wanted most, so regardless of anything else I focused on that point. Meanwhile, I got to know a very nice girl who came for services and in a very short time I became attracted to her. We became friends and in a couple of occasions I kissed her. I was so naive, I felt like being in love, I was so happy, I even told my sister about it over the phone. My happy moment however, wasn't going to last very long. She was not a member of the Sea Organization and we were not supposed to have any form of affection that would lead into creating a relationship. I felt I had kept my hands clean so I wasn't much worried about consequences, but our happy moments had to cease, so they did. Eventually another female staff member noticed me and having had a similar sentimental upset of her own, we began to share our feelings which resulted in her coming to a point of wanting to marry me. I wasn't in love with her even if she was a nice person, plus she already had a baby girl and the father had deserted both. I couldn't imagine me becoming a husband and a father all at once. Funny enough, I did exactly that; I married her, and adopted the child, a very beautiful one indeed.
As we went along in our relationship and so forth, we both discovered the fact of having known each other already. In other words for those who know the subject and have some personal reality on having lived before, we both recalled some common incidents and in a particular touchy moment, while having dinner at a restaurant in Copenhagen, I recalled her name from the previous life and wrote it down on her towel without saying anything. She busted into tears the moment she read that, knowing well what it meant.
Anyway, life went on with very little to no pay at all for week after week, it came to a point I had to use my savings from my account in Italy. I recall feeling ashamed, I was still fascinated by the technology, but I was very unhappy with the living conditions, but managed to keep it quiet and never mentioned to outsiders as it'd be bad promotion for my team and the Sea Organization. Additionally a new issue came out which denied the possibility of having children in the Sea organization, in other words, if a new baby was conceived after that point, either one had to abort the child or leave the Sea organization. I’ve, never believed that to be based on any LRH policy and I still am convinced that to be the case, but protesting such things is not viewed too well within the organization. I was upset about it, as I wanted at least a son of mine in addition to the one I had adopted with the marriage. At one point, the local schedule, which was already very demanding, was deprived of what used to be called “Parents time” as it was about 1 hour a day, to be dedicated to the kids, for whoever was a parent. It was very unpopular as it meant, no kid could see their parents except very early in the morning as by the time we'd return home, never before 22.30, they were all in bed asleep. No further comment is necessary for any reader who happens to be a parent too.
However my desire to become a very skilled auditor was enough to make all the rest seem unimportant. With that urge, I rapidly trained myself as class IV auditor and much more while still posted as supervisor. Based on service delivery needs from the Organization, I held different course Supervisor posts regardless of my original dislike for it. The time was going by, yet my own Organization executive body wouldn't pay very much attention to my request of wanting to be an auditor. One evening at a weekly staff meeting I expressed my disappointment for it to the rest of the crew. Nothing changed despite the above and I was getting more and more stuck in a post which wasn't what I really came for. Sometime later, I became so upset that I decided to route out, pay for my own training and eventually return if anybody was interested in having an auditor on staff. I went to see the chaplain about it all, without mentioning it to anybody else, according to internal policy. He managed to convince me to stay with the idea that he'd get my request listened to. After some time a new technical evolution came about, which in turn, got me again stuck in another course supervisor duty. It seemed like an unreachable goal, but nevertheless still desirable enough to nullify all the counter-intentions.
So I did the New Pro TRs evolution, for those not familiar, it's a course which teaches the handling of communication in all its facets and for a professional use as an auditor. That was in 1989 I recall, I became famous with my students getting through the processing step done at the clay table. Some still remember me after 20 years with praise. Finally, a new person joined staff and there was a possibility that I could turn over my post to him. That happened eventually, after he got trained for the job, however, because of a silly mistake he made, which resulted in the course room being set on fire by accident, he was rapidly removed. Anyway my persistence came to fruition and having trained as much as the other posted auditors, I finally earned my new post, I was an HGC auditor. That was the year 1991. I was happy and began to practice with excitement and in a relatively short time I could produce as much as the top colleagues. The time went by and I was definitely getting many persons through the required steps of the route outlined by LRH, towards higher conditions of spiritual awareness.
My clients were happy and satisfied of their personal experience in the sessions I had given them. I started to consider that perhaps it was also my time to move through the Bridge steps and find out what the OT levels were all about. I was sure I had deserved that privilege. So, I arranged for a co-audit with a fellow auditor and it was a relatively smooth ride up to the point of earning my invitation to OT I.
I enjoyed my personal experience and became adept at auditing myself on whatever processes is part of that level and I completed it. Then I went to the next level OT II. For these who have done it, I mention a sort of peculiar experience, following a goof made by the in charge of the Solo section. He gave me the subject to be addressed in session, before I was actually in the auditing room and It activated the process instantly to a point that when I was holding the electrodes to start the session, it was almost impossible to keep the needle from reacting. I followed the instructions and in due time I completed also that very peculiar level. Finally it came the time for the most mysterious level known as OT III or The Wall of Fire. I learned my materials and began my practical application and it seemed very interesting indeed.
By then I was getting better and better at my post, then a new surprise arose. It was about June 1994 and each organization had to send someone to Flag for the training on the revised version of the CCRD materials (A specific rundown designed to establish whether or not one had validly achieved the state of Clear).
I had the pleasure to know a very pleasant person who was in charge of the evolution, Mr. Dan Koon. He's well known for having been with LRH and particularly for being the model of the Technical training film known as TR4 the Pro Trs film. How did that relate to me? I'll tell you just in a moment. For the above project, the org had to send a Class IX auditor and a course Supervisor. The class IX got named, but it seemed a bit difficult to name a course Supervisor for the job, and guess who got named? I couldn't believe it myself when I was told, they wanted me to go!
I was already an experienced Professional course supervisor and regardless of now being on post as an HGC auditor, somebody got the bright idea to send me! I didn't want to go, it meant I had to be away from my family for God knows how long and didn't like the idea at all, besides the fact that I didn't want to go back and be again a course supervisor. Needless to say, I ended up doing it, merely for duty reasons rather than pleasure. So I embarked on my next trip to Flag with a colleague of mine. I did what I was supposed to do, and thank God I was in the middle of my OT III auditing, so I had a very good excuse not to be held at FSO for years to train there on a new line up being piloted. After one month I was back home, meaning to my own organization and I supervised the delivery of the new course as mentioned above. It wasn't a long evolution, so I was happy to resume my official post of HGC auditor. The excitement didn't last very long.
CLASS XII AUDITOR
One day out of the blue I get briefed that I was being selected to return to FSO to train as a class 9 auditor. Boy, that wasn't easy! It was the highest level I could train for, to deliver upper levels at my own organization, very exciting indeed, but it also meant that I had to be away from my family for a couple of years and that I didn't like it at all! Yet again when it gets pushed on you, that duty calls and you as a sea org member are supposed to do anything that duty calls for, I had no other choice. I recall the upset of my wife at the time, but next morning I was departing to the US. Upon arrival there, I was introduced to the group of Outer org trainees and began my training line up. I wasn't very pleased to see a lot of people redoing the Pro TRs and much less the so called Flag Metering course. I had some experience if my own with the use of the E-Meter, so it didn't make very much sense to me having to look at students yelling in a very unnatural voice while doing exercises to make the needle react. There was something awfully wrong with that training facility. No wonder it was almost impossible to complete the course in the given time and nobody could graduate from any class of internship for over a year in the whole Base!!! Yet it was the Mecca of technical perfection. I was simply horrified.
Anyway, I got through my first steps, luckily, my wife ended up being selected for the same training program, so we got back together and she had been smart enough as well as courageous, to bring with her our child. It soon became a big flop, she wasn't supposed to bring the kid with her, and was being rejected and sent back home. But a saving grace occurred following her running into David Miscavige, better known as COB (Chairman of the Board). They had already met shortly before in Denmark during the evolution of the official opening of the fully renovated building for AOSH EU. Upon seeing her he asked how she was doing, to which she replied telling what was going on.
For whatever reason, COB got interested in the matter and decided to keep her and the whole family as FSO staff members. Mind you, I always wanted to be an FSO auditor from the very beginning, so it wasn't much of a surprise to me; however, it wasn't really what my wife wanted. She was very upset, to say the least, and had to be taken care of by some RTC Rep until she cooled down. It all seemed more than extraordinary to me, my dreams were coming true! Both of us got interviewed and asked what kind of training we would like to do. I had my answer ready without hesitation; I wanted to become a Class XII! And so I got my personal training program exactly for that. As a side note, I was aware that the sudden transfer from my previous organization to FSO wasn't happening according to standard policies on that matter, in fact, the colleagues from the Danish base were very upset and reported the ongoing event as being illegal. I wasn't going to protest for it at all, particularly if it was COB's decision, whatever he decides, usually it gets done one way or another, so I wasn't going to get in trouble about it at all.
As I progressed on my training line up, I was experiencing some physical fatigue, mainly due to the very intense schedule, which to my viewpoint, didn't allow much time to sleep as we had to get up at about 7,00 am and when lucky, get to bed at night at about 23,00. The old problem of not seeing your own kids was present at that base as well. I recall my wife going to see our kid late at night, hoping she was still awake. Now, both of us was in need of a VISA to remain stably in the US, so we returned to Europe and arranged for the necessary arrangements. While down in Italy, I get a call from a senior executive at the FSO briefing me of a special duty that arose unexpectedly at the time. Somebody had to be picked up at the Malpensa airport in Milano and assisted in a special assignment. Again duty calls and I was just ready to do my part. However the financial arrangements were completely off the rails, to a point that no money was available to finance the project I had been briefed on. Of my own initiative, I proposed a solution which would entice me asking for some cash to some persons I knew, which were likely to lend the money to me, providing the organization was going to pay it back as soon as possible. I trusted the senior executive who promised she'd take care of the matter and went ahead in my plan. I got the money and moved along with the plan. I was very disappointed when months later I'd found out that the money had not been returned to the persons, who happened to be church's parishioners. I couldn't believe it, but it was the case. I hope it got sorted out later, following my reporting of the situation, but I've never found out to date.
Fortunately, our Visa application was approved for both with a 5 year permit, so we flew back to Florida. I was really very dedicated to my training, so I managed to complete most of it in the due time if not ahead of schedule. The results with my Preclears (our slang for clients receiving counseling) were very good so I became one of the top auditors, just as I wanted. I recall when I completed my class 8 internship, my passing video of the session I had delivered, was absolutely perfect! I was very proud indeed. As I had been selected for the class XII line up, I was getting ready as a preclear, to receive the auditing part which would include receiving the very famous Ls Rundowns. That proved to be a very peculiar experience as I was getting the so called L11, I felt some very rapid changes occurring, yet I had very little clue as to what was going on. I recall getting asked some question and a second later it was as if a ton of bricks landed on my head and as the process continued it all of a sudden was gone like fog in the sunshine.
Some colleague already working as class XII had warned me, before I began my training, that the course materials were not in very good shape and in some occasion, they are not so easy to grasp. I thought the person in question must have misunderstood word and was just being bitter about the subject because of that. To my surprise however, when I saw the materials first hand, I understood what the reality was all about. Many of the issues of the course materials were not written by LRH and in some cases, I had to study session worksheets which were so bad, having been copied over and over, to a point that it was impossible for anybody to figure out what the original content was. I wondered to myself, how in the name of God it was possible that the highest level training materials were in such condition. I was very certain it was all known and it didn't make any sense. I did all I could to evaluate the importance of the data I was supposed to know for the courses and completed them. No practice was required at any of these courses, so I was filled with theory, but zero experience for these very powerful levels.
DAVID MISCAVIGE SHOWS UP
Coincidentally, COB came around the FSO when I had completed my class XII course, so all of a sudden I get told late in the evening, that I had to make a video of a session for him to see. I'd not mind doing a video for anybody to watch except if I've to do it just out of the blue to prove God knows what. A session is done for a person, not as a show for a spectator, whoever that might be. I wasn't very happy of the circumstances, none of my clients was fit to have a session yet it had to be done no matter what. It gets arranged that a fellow staff member gets summoned for a session and he was made fit by feeding him and whatever was needed. I didn't like being forced in session under these circumstances, but didn't have much choice. I did some basic procedure and at one point my preclear said something I didn't grasp which threw me a curve and for a moment I was blank, then following that brief moment I said something to reorient myself and the other person as to what we were doing and continued the session to the end. It wasn't a particularly exciting session at all, I was just glad it was over.
Next day however, when I got the critique for it, I was in shock for how bad it had been graded, as if I was one of the worst auditors. Mind you, when you get a critique from an RTC Rep, there is not much you can protest about it, regardless of it being right or wrong, this was just the beginning however. The experience was indeed very upsetting, and it left its mark.
Anyway at least it served to something, following my completion of the Class XII course, the check sheets were taken out of use and don't know, but I highly doubt that they have been replaced with something understandable. It was October 1998, I was the last one to train as Class XII, over 10 years after my predecessor and never heard of anybody else making it ever since. The Class XIIs are an endangered species on their way to extinction, they are getting rather old and God knows what else might be troubling them. I recall a vivid incident at which the then senior C/S FSO, slammed a female Class XII against a wall for having committed some error in reading the E-meter in a session, he was yelling to her face at the top of his lungs while pushing her. I didn't like it very much, for I would never lift my hands on a woman and be violent as he did. Whatever his reasons, it wasn't anything I had learned to do from any LRH materials I had studied up to that point. Anyway, I was by then a class VIII auditor so I began auditing at the Advanced Organization located in the Sand Castle. I was able to produce well with ease and my clients were more than happy with my performance.
Another point I must bring to the attention of the reader is the description of how much time off a staff member is allowed while being part of the Sea Organization. Basically one works every day of the week (7 days) and is entitled 2 and 1/2 hours of personal enhancement per day, to be used either for training purposes related to one's post or for spiritual counseling (auditing) to improve oneself spiritual wise. Now providing one's production on post, as monitored by statistics, is better than the previous week, you'd be entitled to a full day off every 2 weeks. In other words if your statistic was up and was your week's turn, you were supposed to submit the request to be off, which didn't necessarily mean that it'd get approved. As a matter of fact, my personal experience as an auditor became almost a routine of being denied a full day off regardless of my personal production which war steadily very high indeed. When I was lucky, I'd get some hours off on Saturday evenings. The main reason being given for the denial of the full day off was always about having to deliver our services to our public and not making them wait. Yet LRH had laid out that an up stat staff member is entitled to a liberty day every 2 weeks. But all auditors turned out getting penalized, so I got used to it and continued my duty even if embittered about the above unfair treatment.
The worse experience I can recall was one time when I made my personal Highest Ever delivery with over 56 hours of Well Done Auditing Hours, it was my turn to have the day off, yet I was denied it by my senior. I was disgusted, to say the least. However, duty became my strongest motivation, I was loyal to LRH and I was doing what I was doing primarily to help him, regardless of how some people interpreted his very teachings.
Of my own initiative, to sort of make myself independent as well as practice some exercise, I got hold of a bike and began to use it to travel from and to the berthing during some days of the week. I used to stay at the QI, an old resort facility which became the berthing for married couples with kids. There was also a cadet's org for the kids to be taken care of and educated in schooling matters. At one point, while servicing one of my clients, I had a convenient deal offer for a used car he was giving away and we worked out a fair exchange for both sides so I was able to get a car despite the very low weekly allowance of $50. My wife was more than happy and we began to use it.
Another point I want to mention, was the fact than on Friday nights one would manage to go to the movies after a long week of production and I recall going once with some colleagues before I had my own vehicle. The berthing places were not yet surrounded by fences and nobody was yet posted as gate keeper to the property. That however was soon going to change. In fact, the fences began to be put on and some guard had to be on duty 24 hours a day on a couple of shifts. It was implemented as a way to keep our premises secure from intruders, however it also became a way to prevent anybody to get out at one's discretion, without being monitored and questioned as to what you were up to.
My joy about having a car didn't last very long. Just a few months after I got it, an internal issue came out forbidding the use of personal vehicles and only the organization buses were allowed. It was allegedly for PR reasons with the Clearwater inhabitants. It really made no sense to me at all, but the order was coming down from COB as I had figured, so there was no way around it or you'd get in trouble. The guards at the gate in the berthing places got their briefings and nobody could use their car unless a proper authorization had been granted. The restriction then expanded to nobody being allowed to walk between the buildings and we were all to go by van or bus even to make a very short distance. I was getting really beefed up and couldn't really be happy about all this nonsense.
Even going to a local food store was no longer permitted to a point that on a Thursday after having worked my butt all morning till over 14, 00 missing my regular lunch, I went to have a slice of pizza in a nearby food store in Cleveland st, shortly after, a security guard from my own organization, comes by and asks me to leave. I had to refrain myself from getting physical and punching that arrogant young fellow, so I continued eating but rather annoyed by the event.
Meanwhile, the Golden Age of Tech got launched and I was one of the first ones to do the steps to become the new breed of auditor as promoted by David Miscavige. That was fine, I became more proficient than I was and don't complain about it. However when as part of the instructions written by COB requiring all tech personnel to do star rate checkouts line by line on a long list of issues, I got struck by it. I was a very well trained Course supervisor, knew my study tech very well, yet that kind of checkout was nowhere to be found in any LRH material I had previously studied. It was his own invention or better say alteration of the original version.
I knew that my pointing out to the above would just get me in trouble, so manage to avoid following the order and kept quiet. Nobody else seemed to notice it and no mention of it was made at any later point. Then it came the Golden Age of Tech for Ots, addressing upper level materials. I also got trained, due to high demanding delivery resources, for the next upper level, so I became a Class IX, which was not a prerequisite to my previous training up to Class XII. So now besides class VII, I had done it all, from scratch all the way to Class XII. I was very proud, it was my dream coming true and I was very grateful to LRH for having acquired so much knowledge through the study of his materials.
Now going back to the Golden age of tech for OTs, it was announced with the name of arbitraries removed, so one would now move faster on his route to total freedom. That was fine, however when you announce that the way something was done up to that point was wrong and nobody noticed it before, yet you were the one closely monitoring it, something doesn't quite add up. I knew all the persons on the upper levels were monitored by RTC all the way up to COB himself, so how come now, all of a sudden you announce that a certain auditing action was in violation of LRH materials, it was all there to begin with! But now it was presented as the big technical breakthrough. Anyway, once again the self- promoting propaganda was having its own effect on the public and as long as I had somebody to audit I kept doing just that. But another experiment gets launched from the very top. All auditors and their Case supervisors, got briefed on the fact that between some old auditors there seemed to be some sign of disaffection, so it was deemed necessary to pilot a program of getting paired up and audit each other on a rundown up to that point hardly ever known at all, “The Truth Rundown” we all studied, drilled and eventually got started on the above, regardless of some people like my wife and some others being in the middle of some other step, which would make that piloting completely off the rails.
Yes once again something odd happens as implemented by RTC and its very senior COB. Needless to say, I don't know who really benefited from the above offbeat program. For me personally, it was useless, I had no record whatsoever of having reasons to receive that rundown so it was completely unnecessary, not done for me in the least, but for someone else's caprice. My wife had a worse time of it than me. She ended up getting messed up with her own paired auditor and they both blew (Left Unauthorized) together. It was very upsetting indeed. Beside these random unpleasant aspects, I was determined to go on and continue to do my very best at my post. My wife got recovered by the security personnel after a couple of weeks, she had traveled all the way from Florida to California, attempting to return back to Italy and leave the Sea Organization. Our security people had proven once again their efficiency so she returned to the base.
Needless to say, she wanted nothing to do with me anymore and the sooner she'd divorce the better for her. I talked her out of leaving the Sea Organization, with the promise that I'd be taking care of the kid while she'd be doing her rehabilitation program, also known as the RPF. It wasn't an easy decision for sure, as it meant she couldn't see her kid for the whole length of the program except for some emergency situation that could arise. The whole program could take easily up to 2 years. We were not allowed to see nor talk to each other as well as the above. While being alone with the kid, for a period of 18 months, I recall feeling very upset about the whole thing and couldn't make any sense or find it useful by being prevented from communicating to my wife who was also segregated in a different berthing facility, with people like her, needing the RPF program according to internal organizational policies. I had succeeded in talking her out of the divorce at that stage, so when she completed the program, I had some hope we'd return together, but I was wrong. She had made up her mind and realized on her own that our marriage was, much to my surprise, a mistake to begin with. This meant we were still married, but living in separated berthing and mainly seeing each other if at all, during work hours.
Sometime after that, in 2001 October, shortly after the 9/11 trauma, I got a call from my sister. My father was very ill at the hospital and was very likely to die from one moment to the other. I wasn't going back home since about 6 years and couldn't just miss paying my last visit to my father, so began to arrange for it. I renewed my passport and reserved the ticket for the soonest flight, however, when I was about ready to go, I got delayed because had to get a security check to make sure all was fine and I had no plans to just leave and never return. I was disgusted being delayed under the above circumstances and my request to leave as soon as possible was not approved, while my senior was more concerned about me taking the shortest amount of days off possible, so I'd return back to the production line up. Truly, it struck me and it came across as really not caring at all from the part of my senior, all she cared about, was to have me back in the chair auditing. I was so uninterested in being there at all to a point that the only thing I wanted was to be out of that space and gone. It's true, my service was convenient to the organization money wise, I've made a calculation, during the year 2000 I had delivered over 2300 auditing hours, which at the time was equivalent to almost $3 million!! Yet my own income had been about $3000 for the whole year. Yeah, you're right, nobody forced me to stay, it was all done on my own, but that's not all.
I finally left regardless of the advice of the in charge of the special affairs guy, who told me not to leave or I wasn't going to be allowed to return to the US because my green card application, which was ongoing since 2 years, hadn't been approved yet. Honestly, I didn't give a damn at that stage, I counted on the fact that it was a real emergency and even customs personnel would understand that. I was wrong!!! My father was happy to see me again particularly knowing it was our last time together. He thanked me dearly for having come all the way from America to see him. Upon returning back to the US, following my scheduled LOA, I had the unpleasant surprise of being rejected by customs at the JFK airport and shipped back to Italy. I was treated almost like a criminal, and the Italian police had to come pick me up at the Malpensa airport in Milano. Upon a brief explanation to them as to what happened, I was allowed to go. I ended up spending the New Year’s Eve 2002 on board the airplane above the Atlantic and my first day of January wasn't looking much better. No flights were available for me to return home from there, so I had to figure out how to spend the day in some decent fashion. Out of my memory, I recalled somebody I knew lived around there so got hold of a phone directory and searched for his number. Luckily I succeeded and he was kind enough to come and pick me up and allow me to stay at his place until next day when my flight would take me back home, to may parent's place. I'm very thankful to the hospitality of such friend and there are many like him in my heart. So next day I was on my way back to Sardinia. Everyone was surprised about my return; it was really hard to understand how that all came about. I had no longer permit to return to the US for God knows how long, I couldn't continue with my job, couldn't see my daughter ever again, unless she would come visit me outside the US and that was very unlikely to take place.
She was about 15 when I left her on Dec 2001. I've not see her ever since, unless she mailed me some photograph years later. Now being back home with my father still alive, but just about to depart, it wasn't very pleasant either.
THE FREEWINDS
One month or so later, I get a call from someone aboard the Freewinds, which is the Cruising ship part of the Scientology organization located in the Caribbean area. I get asked to come aboard to help on some delivery emergency as they had nobody of their own personnel qualified to audit in Italian for their parishioners of the highest level (OT VII and VIIIs) I was indeed in another deciding point for my future, I agreed to help, so providing my own organization was fine with it and my airfare was arranged, I was soon ready to go. I had never been there up to that point so it was like a new adventure and experience.
Once on board, I got briefed as to what was needed and wanted so I began to audit again. My predecessor, who was there shortly from FSO, didn't do too well so now I had to patch up some upset and take it from there. It wasn't very difficult, so I did what had to be done and started to like the place, other than having a very little space to sleep it seemed pleasant. Food was good and the whole group was being rather up tone and friendly. I began to conceive of the idea, perhaps I should remain there. However, another call to duty came from the FSO asking for my departure to Scandinavia, to handle some parishioner who was upset with the organization and wanted his money back. I happened to know that person, he was from Sardinia too and I had met him on my very early days in scientology, down in a little group in Nuoro.
So with all the logistics sorted out I flew back to the very cold climate of Denmark, where the fellow was living. I had to settle myself in a berthing for which my own org would pay, and it was not a surprise when I got a rather shabby room, overcrowded and filthy. Besides that, I got in contact with the guy, he was ok on seeing me and I arranged for the upset to be addressed and resolved. Much to my shame, in one of our sessions, I didn't do too well, but I managed to smooth it out later on, the same day. Then piece by piece, I was able to sort things out and get the guy's agreement to withdraw his refund request. Then I get another briefing about another fellow up in Stockholm on the same type of deal and had to go try to patch up that too. That didn't really fly the guy had made up his mind and wanted the money he had left unused for years, to be returned to him so he could finance some other sort of help group he had associated with. He was no longer active as a scientologist for several years and had no desire to do anything further, but was by no means hostile. I evaluated that I was just wasting my time with the guy so I returned back to Copenhagen.
Then the next project gets worked out which required me go back to Italy and pay a visit to the various areas and organizations with the purpose to revitalize the field by addressing people gone inactive or worse, being upset with their past services with the Organization. I settled myself in Milano, with the help of a couple of friends which allowed me to save a lot of money, which would have vaporized in paying for a place to sleep. I ended up traveling all over Italy except for Sicily and I did about 500 interviews or sessions with some very good results. The best one was with an old friend from Sardinia, she came all the way from Sardinia to Milano just to see me and get sorted out. She was not progressing and not doing well at the time. I did what I had to do and even a little extra, and in a short session we resolved something very important for her and she was shortly after that able to make things go right and continue her services on the advanced levels. I was more than happy to see that change take place in front of my eyes.
As the time went on I was running out of business in that project and at one point I get called back to Copenhagen for a promotional event about FSO to which I was still bound as a staff member. They were still issuing my weekly salary even if I was abroad. Then in view of the fact that I wasn't going to return to the US a new plan gets worked out. There was an Italian parishioner who had just completed his OT VII at Flag and was soon going to go to the Freewinds for his OTVIII, however something needed to be resolved for it to happen in due time. I was briefed over the phone and asked to get the matter sorted out on a right now basis. The main problem was due to the fact that this fellow’s wife wasn’t very happy with the local org of Verona and she was disaffected with it claiming she had not been handled correctly.
So I went to their house, I knew him well already and a bit about her. I listened to what they had to say, mainly to her upset and gave her advice on how to get it resolved in a way that would make everybody happy. I got promised that she’d think about it and let me know as soon as possible. Next day, to my delight, her husband told me that she had agreed to return to the org and do the recommended course with him. That was just great! I couldn’t have gotten it any better than that. So he got the green light to go to the ship for his next advanced level. I was of course, going to be his auditor, since nobody else could deliver the preparation step in Italian. That earned me another visit to the ship for the Maiden Voyage celebration and contributed to the largest delivery occurring during that occasion. It all went smooth and I was even able to get a full day off once it all was over. Anyway I again returned to Europe and I was being used as a temporary staff member for the advanced organization in Copenhagen pending some decision to trade me for another staff member. I didn't much care at that stage as to where I was going, so long I was able to audit, it’d work out. So I got my own room set up and began to deliver flat out whatever was needed.
For about 5 weeks I was the highest producing auditor, and it didn't take much effort from my part at all. Then one day, I get a phone call from the Commanding Officer of the Freewinds briefing me of an alleged agreement between her and the Captain FSO, which would have given her ok for me to be transferred to the ship and I was expected to report on board on a right now basis. On my own evaluation, between the 2 places I'd much prefer the ship, but I was concerned about the production demand on board not being so great as I'm used to perform. I didn't want to get bored, that was a fact! I opted for the ship so I prepared my luggage and was getting ready to go. Apparently the coordination factor wasn't really as I was told and some senior executive was getting rattled if not upset about the whole thing. It wasn't really my problem so I went ahead and left for Barbados where the ship was at the time. At that point I had made up my mind, I was going to stay there and that was it.
I began to audit again whatever was necessary and after a few weeks I was informed that my video for the class IX internship was officially passed all the way up to RTC FSO even if the session was done in Copenhagen since I was banned from the US. I was very happy and proud at the same time. At that point due to my fame as auditor having risen to the stars, I get selected to audit some very important people on board and I was honored for it. The very first session went very well and I was complimented by the ship's RTC Rep. Then the demand enlarged into more and more persons to be debugged, and I feel I did my part well as far as I was concerned. I recall a particular person for which I fixed an incomplete level with very nice results much to my satisfaction as well as the interested party. However, another unpleasant experience was about to hit me in the face.
During Xmas celebration 2003 I had noticed a female staff member on board for whom I felt an instantaneous liking so I socialized with her and expressed my liking for her person also informing her that I was separated and on my way to terminate my marriage in a short time. The idea was to find out if the affinity (liking of) was mutual and eventually create a new relationship once the divorce was official. I soon found out she was ok with it and was delighted of the idea. We'd spend time together whenever it was possible and increase our affinity but no physical contact or anything else just according to the rules on the matter, which forbid the creation of a new relationship before the previous one is over. I didn't intend to violate that rule, so we both kept our hands clean. It lasted a month or so then after a dinner break when we were down the dock of St. Vincent something odd happens.
Next day she'd not accept any communication from me and was rather reluctant to have me around her at all. I also get called to HCO (area of the organization which takes care of the ethics matters) and I get told that I'm off the rails for flirting with that girl and I should knock it off. I was also told she didn't have a very good record as past sentimental experiences and was very likely to get hold of me to have a baby and get both out of the Sea Organization. I thought it was way too far-fetched and completely senseless. I later found out, the girl had been threatened with punishment (being sent to the RPF) if she was continuing to spend time with me. That communication and disgusting menace came from one of the top executives on board posted as the CO CMO ship. It was the very same person who years earlier had cancelled the parent's time during a so called Mission in Copenhagen. What a coincidence! For whatever reason we never liked each other and it was obvious to both of us. So now the girl was in such terror of ever having me around that she withdrew completely and even denied having ever been interested in me to begin with. I had felt great for a month and it was very obvious the contrary, but there was no turning back.
Even when the divorce became official, I recall offering a bunch of nice flowers to her; she thanked me for them, but again told me of the snide comment uttered to her by the same person named above. Her real name is Sue Price, so no mistake is made here. Sentimental matters aside, the main thing which kept me going were production demand. The next catastrophe was however on the horizon. In 2003 a new evolution had come about and as a result of it many of the persons having moved to the upper levels had allegedly not made it on an earlier but very important step. I was more than baffled as the very subject had come up already earlier and it was like a pendulum swing. Something didn't make sense to me. So I get to study an alleged new confidential issue on the subject, which had very little new information at all, nothing really confidential and it appeared superseded by later issues on the subject which were written as official Hubbard Bulletins as opposed to this one which was merely an advice written in 1969, much before very important technical breakthroughs which took place in 1978 with the advent of New era Dianetics.
Needless to say my own subjective gains get challenged and what was for me the most important realization from my dianetics auditing was being completely invalidated as if it didn't occur. I couldn't care less about status or labels, but I did care and knew what I knew to be true. It was at that exact point when I realized that there was something awfully wrong with whoever was running the show. I felt I could only express to LRH himself how bad it all was, but him being gone, I had nobody I could trust and if I were a public receiving that auditing, I'd have stepped out the door never to come back until someone was going to prove they knew what they were doing. I'd put all of that aside because when you are an auditor you have “no case” (word which indicates anything that can be upsetting and disturbing to you spiritually) and continued my production. On the other side I became so upset to write for my own folder to please cease my auditing as that was no longer meant to be for me but for the satisfaction of somebody else. I would be much better off it.
That was the beginning of a steep decline in my sea organization career. Even if 2004 was the year I won the award as the best auditor on board, with over 200 hours of gain on my next colleague, I was also pulling in so much shit on my lines, more than I could handle. In one occasion I get a critique by an RTC rep who came on board as replacement for the existing one at the time, she managed to convince also the other of an handling of mine done in a session as being wrong and overwhelming for the parishioner being audited, neither of them knew I had used a very specific example LRH had mentioned in a lecture I had studied on my class VI course, which was designed to handle that particular situation. I get rather invalidated by them, yet none on the two had done that training, but had to be right just because they are the RTC reps. I had to handle my upset which was completely useless.
Another point was again being invalidated by the couple and being accused of having done something I had not done. When I tried to point out the wrongness of the accusation, I got told I was delusionary and had to shut up. Later, out of wanting to be absolutely right and not delusionary as I could have gone, I reviewed the written records of the events and my memory proved to be accurate. But for the RTC rep I was delusionary.
VISITS BY TOM CRUISE
A few more points worth mentioning about that same time period was the first visit of Tom Cruise on board. We all got briefed up about the event and part of it was that we were not supposed to tell anybody else about it, not even to close relatives. It seemed odd to me, but followed that instruction. When I finally sow him at a very close distance, he seemed an alright fellow and being already a fan of him was more than happy to see him aboard. He came with his then girlfriend Penelope Cruz, who was also on scientology lines at the time and she had a personal auditor that came on board to take care of her.
His second visit was in summer 2004 for his birthday. The ship was in Barbados at the time and again we get briefed about his imminent visit with the usual don't say a word to anybody or you'll get Comm-Eved (slang term for the highest justice action one can incur within the church policies). Once again I couldn't quite get the point of all this secrecy. As a matter of fact, I had made a hint of it to my ex-wife, who had already seen him at the Clearwater base; I didn't get punished, but got told she was not an exception to the rule. I still think it was ridiculous, she knew more about Tom Cruise than me. This time he came alone, Penelope had disappeared from the scene, but I had no clue as to what had happened and it wasn't much of my concern. She too seemed a very nice person for the little I knew about her.
Back to the preparation for Tom's arrival, a huge set up was being arranged in the space on board used for the main events. A large troupe of Golden Era staff members, were on board preparing for the birthday party. We even had to drill welcoming him on board with a parade. When the moment came, COB was down the dock waiting for the limousine to arrive and a long red carpet to welcome the VIP. It was a nice moment seeing the arrival to the dock and all the rest of the greetings with us all welcoming Tom on board. Few days later the actual party took place and I heard it was quite a big one. I didn't get invited, but a friend of mine did and she even had the chance to dance with the star according to her statement. At the time, I was still a very strong fan of Tom being a scientologist and of his dissemination activities, I was also a dedicated Sea Org member and COB was in my eyes a very good example of how to run the show, so he too was a much respected figure in my books.
Little that I knew then, it didn't occur to me that the party was being financed with church's money and it must have been a very expensive one as far as I could see. I don't know how such expense would be okay according to LRH policies, where extravagance has no part in any of them. The event was even recorded in audio video format and beside these who were invited, nobody else on board was allowed to see the party. I found out a little piece of it on the Internet 4 years after and I was baffled as to how it managed to get posted there. I even found a short video made on board which shows COB talking with Tom without them having a clue of the video being secretly recorded by someone very close within the RTC people.
Much to my surprise, someone on board was being an intruder and nobody of the super security personnel had figured it out. Yes I'd forgot to mention about the security aspect of COB being on board, he brings with him many security guards who are on duty 24 hours a day on a double shift basis. He never eats with the crew, but has his own quarters with his very close entourage. I recall a couple of occasions while being in Bonaire, he'd go out to spend some time diving and when the boat came back for him to return on board, nobody was allowed to be in close proximity except the security personnel, this went as far as me having to wait at the gate of the dock just for the above reason. I wondered what would be the point of it all; can't you trust your own people?
The year 2004 was really full of odd events, as far as I was concerned. During the Maiden Voyage, I had known a Spanish female public and upon suggestion of a colleague I got in communication with her to find out if she was qualified for the sea organization and if so I'd recruit her. She was also a good looking person and that would make her also a potential prospect for a new relationship, providing all the previous steps were in place. At first she appeared to have no interest at all in joining the team, but shortly after she started to reach for it. We became friends and gradually without much effort I was able to get her to truly envision the idea of getting started on the sea org in a very short time. I worked out with her how to make it happen step by step and I was monitoring her progress on it. Our friendship was growing into a mutual interest for each other as a future couple if all would have worked out. Her qualifications seemed okay at that stage and I was very optimistic about it all. When the maiden voyage was over, after 4 weeks in a row producing over 52 hours in the chair as average, I got my day off.
I mentioned it to her and she originated of her own volition about wanting to spend some time together. I had e very definite passion for water sports such as snorkeling and diving and in few occasions I had gone snorkeling with her early in the morning. It was just beautiful; I'd dive and hold my breath as long as I could, while some big Tarpon fish would come about me at a very close distance. I went out in the morning and we had met outside the dock where the nearby Bus station was and from there we went to a nice part of the coast I had previously spotted on my own. We spent a nice day together, swimming, snorkeling and communicating about various themes. We even took underwater pictures. Mind you, no physical contact took place.
So as the daylight was about to end, we decided to return aboard and did so. I had nothing to hide really, but she felt uncomfortable about getting back on the gangway together, so I went first by myself. I recall another odd experience that took place during that Maiden voyage celebration 2004. During the speech of David Miscavige, something went wrong with the ventilation system, as a result the place where the speaker was, under many spotlights, became rather warm, to a point that he was visibly sweating. I was watching the event live on a remote screen and could notice the sweat coming more and more into view. Shortly after I heard that the in charge of the ventilation, a veteran sea org member, the Chief Engineer, got in trouble for the above flop and was being investigated for sabotage. A colleague of mine was taking care of him with a tailored made security check to get to the bottom of the guy’s crimes. My colleague failed badly at it and I get named to take over. The poor guy was feeling terrible for whatever happened and was rather cooperative, but the preconceived idea from RTC was that he sabotaged COB thus he has crimes and it was all intentionally done. I did what I was trained to do, with the intent to assist the guy figure out what exactly went wrong and how to remedy the huge catastrophe.
Honestly, I didn’t believe for a minute that the guy did it all on purpose for some alleged purpose to destroy or harm anybody around him. I took up whatever was to be addressed and the guy experienced some relief.
TOP EXECUTIVES UNDER GUARD
Another very odd situation was happening during that time. There were all major top International executives on the ship and they were on a very intense disciplinary action doing heavy and dirty work all over the ship. I recognized the ED int, Mike Rinder, the president of scientology International, Mark Yager and many others. It was obvious they were under heavy disciplinary action. One time the RTC rep on board referred to them as: “The bilge’s team” In one occasion I was even told that she was auditing them, very likely to find their crimes and at one point with one of them she didn’t know how to apply an advanced procedure. I thought it’d be gross since no auditor audits anybody on processes he’s not trained for, yet that was exactly what had occurred. Had I done anything of that nature I’d be executed on the spot sort of speak. I had found out from a roommate who was a security guy that the international statistics weren’t doing well, thus the whole troupe was undergoing heavy ethics handlings.
None of this would be mentioned during the events; to the contrary, it was the usual: “All is great and we are expanding like never before” The worse part still had to come. The Spanish girl made up her mind and decided to join the ranks of the crew on board. She wanted me present when she signed the famous billion year contract for the sea organization. Once gone back to Spain, I was in contact with her by e-mail and/or phone, monitoring her progress on the set up project to return. It all seemed to move along well. Then an unexpected tragedy occurs, a fellow staff member, committed suicide while on board. I had seen him few days earlier on the dock and didn’t notice anything particularly wrong with him, I’ve no idea as to why he took his life. Meanwhile, the guy in charge of the security on board, ends up in trouble due to the above and gets demoted from his post, much to his disappointment. The reason I’m mentioning this is that he’ll soon end up on my lines.
For whatever reason, I didn’t like the guy, he was at times arrogant and seemed to enjoy needling me whenever he could. Sometime after his removal, while being security checked by a fellow auditor, he blew (left unauthorized) the ship. That was a serious emergency so the search party gets out for finding him. Luckily, with the help of his sister, he agreed to talk to her and some other person. From that I get briefed that he has made a firm decision never to return on board, but was willing to do his leaving security check with me as the auditor. I told right away I didn’t like the guy so why do I get chosen for that duty? The answer was that his previous auditor wasn’t up for the job and the guy knew I was a much experienced practitioner and was fine with that. The first thing I told him when we’ve met in a hotel of Curacao was that I had a personal dislike for him, but if he was going to cooperate, I was willing to help smooth out the procedure. He agreed and we began with the project. It wasn’t very difficult as he did cooperate, so we completed the action, he was fine and we gave each other a friendly hug as we saluted for the last time. I recommended him to stay out of trouble and he agreed.
Few weeks later the Spanish girl had gone to Florida to get started on the sea org. Another surprise was rising at the horizon. A fellow staff member from Italy had routed out of the sea org together with his wife and kid and there seemed to be some upset from his part. The idea was for me to go to his place, handle the upset and if feasible recover him on staff. I wasn’t very excited at all. He was a completion of the highest advanced level delivered on board and that meant I had to bring with me highly confidential issues in a briefcase and keep them secure at all times. It’s not funny at all I can assure you.
I left from Aruba to Milano and met there with another fellow staff member who came with another flight. From there we called the guy and arranged for him to come meet us at the train station of his home town. He wasn’t particularly happy to see us, but out of courtesy greeted us and drove to some place where we could spend the night. A couple of friends in the local area were assisting us with the berthing place. I had a very tight schedule for the whole project: 3 days! So I arranged with him and his wife to be available at certain times of the day to do whatever I was instructed to do. Some upset got cleaned up for both, they were more relaxed, however neither of them intended to rejoin the ranks and he made a point of his having taken LSD, which made him unqualified to begin with. However, it also came up that his wife was not satisfied with the experience and had no desire to stay on staff. My commanding officer was not happy at all, she was sure he lied about the LSD and used it as a reason to route out. She however missed the point that if someone doesn’t want to stay in the sea org there is no way around it. It was as if he had to be recovered at all costs.
When I finished my part, I greeted the couple good bye; they were thankful about what I did with them and told me so. Next day I took my scheduled flight and returned to the ship. I did my debrief, returned the materials for their safety and went to sleep. Next day I resumed my post. Meanwhile, while I was gone for few days, the overall production wasn’t going too good yet I was the one making the most of it. Because of the area not turning around, production wise, we had very few people on board and it didn’t look very good at all for the weeks to come. Then I end up being disciplined for missing one morning muster and from there it went from bad to worse.
Despite being the one producing the most, the disciplinary actions were so stupid and pointless that I had no intention whatsoever to comply with them. That didn’t help me at all. I became more and more the target for trouble and as the production of the area didn’t improve the hurricane was getting ready to hit me in the face. The Italian fellow I had seen few weeks earlier was now very upset, following the high pressure from my colleague’s part to get him back on board despite the guy’s refusal to do so. It became more and more a threat to the guy more than anything else, sort of “You better come back to the ship or else!” Needless to say, he never came back to my knowledge. Then it came the IAS celebration and Tom Cruise got his very special award medal as it can be seen on the internet. A video interview was edited with him promoting scientology.
TOM CRUISE: MODEL SCIENTOLOGY STAFF MEMBER
The video seemed great from an insider’s viewpoint however, it got used as a model of what a scientologist should be like and every staff and public all over the world was required to watch it five times! It seemed a bit too much even for me who used to be one of the best fans of Cruise. And if that was not enough, following that event every staff member was to do a rote pink sheet (slang for a corrective assignment given to a student when he did not fully grasp some material previously studied) it began with word clearing method 9 the very famous HCOPL: “Keeping scientology working”; the irony of it all was that it was meant to stress the importance of correct use of the technology, yet it got implemented in a way that couldn’t be any farther than that. If you start a method 9 word clearing on the whole crew at 22.00 hours you are asking for trouble, that’s exactly what ensued.
ASSAULT BY RTC REP, SUE PRICE
People were too tired and by the time the course room closed that night, hardly anybody if at all would have a floating needle at the examiner. The next alarming thing arose when a fellow staff member had filed a report on a very high executive expressing some concern for a possible unethical conduct. It was just suspected at that stage. I was very concerned about it as the person in question was also one of the very many I’ve audited on board and I was still auditing that very person. I wondered if I had missed anything and didn’t like the idea in the least. During a session, I did what believed to be correct, but something went wrong and immediately after the session I get called into the office and the RTC rep tells me I’m doing a shitty job and if I don’t make things go right, she had already typed a post removal for me with an assignment to the new post of garbage man. She made me read the issue to make a point.
I was very rattled and when I went back in session it wasn’t very easy anymore. One session went okay, but the next one the day after wasn’t particularly revealing. I’d get told the person in question was unethical and better find out what he had been up to or it was my head off. Anyway I made some goof and the RTC rep was so furious that she slammed me against a wall in the C/S office and then while 2 other persons were present, she yells and starts punching me in the chest as well as the face. I froze to avoid reacting knowing well that if I did, It have meant my execution. My punch in return would have easily knocked her out, however it’d have earned me an instantaneous SP declare. I didn’t intend for things to go that bad so remained still while being hit. Then she arranged for another auditor to take over the security check of the culprit while I was routed to the engine room with instructions from the RTC rep that I had to be assigned to the worst possible work available down there with my schedule extended till 2:00 am with next morning muster at 7:00 am.
Factually I’ve found myself forced into very heavy work in extremely uncomfortable conditions for about 18 hours a day for many days. I was feeling terrible and didn’t know how to get out of that nightmare. I ended up having my birthday on Dec 8 2004 in that hell! I was wondering what the hell I did to pull all that shit in. Was I not a good auditor, was it the other person or what could be going on? I was for one thing curious to find out it my colleague was doing better than me. That answer came shortly after that point. I noticed he got demoted together with the C/S for the very same reason I got in trouble. Now here comes the explanation as to why then we didn’t get the same treatment? At that stage, I became expendable while he and the c/s had to carry on their duties. Otherwise, the whole production machine, already suffering from scarce production, would have collapsed to a point of no delivery at all. That was unthinkable and I could understand that rather easily.
IMPRISONED AND ABUSED
Without going too much into the details of the above incident, I got removed from post and Comm-Eved. Parts of the findings were for me to redo a very specific course, which I did. I also had to do lower conditions for whatever I had done wrong and I’ve spent hundreds of hours at it, but when it came to the step of asking the group to be accepted back, the RTC rep would reject it as if I was kidding and made some denigrating comments in answering my request. I felt rather hopeless at one point when I realized she wasn’t going to give me the ok and I was getting exasperated of not being allowed to get off the ship for any reason. It was factually as if I was prisoner. After some weeks the pressure had gone down a bit and I could manage to sleep a bit more, however, my body began to show the signs of the physical duress it had to bear with.
At first my body would become numb half way through one side and then on the other. My arms caused me to feel inexplicable pain at night to such a degree that it’d wake me up. I’d stink of diesel oil no matter how hard I’d wash my whole body and the skin in my hands was like sanding paper. My fingerprints were hardly readable by whatever electronic device was used to recognize me when I could use my auditing room again to perform the temporary post I’d been assigned.
I became one of the so-called OT debug consultants. I trained rapidly at it and started to produce. Funny enough, the stats began to rise as soon as I was on that post and my colleagues in the area were delighted about it. I could handle anybody and they knew that too. The saga however, was not over yet.
Once the Spanish girl completed her first step in the sea org at the base in Clearwater, she came shortly on board and at that stage we decided to start our sentimental relationship. There were no rules I knew of that were being violated. She had also to undergo a verification to be done in session to ensure she was fully qualified to stay on the ship as a staff member. Unfortunately I got chosen for it. It’d be advisable to avoid being the auditor of your sentimental partner, but I had not much choice as her English wasn’t fluent enough to be processed in that language. I happened to know and speak Spanish good enough and her Italian was also better than English. Nobody else could do it but me. Before getting started I made it very clear to her that when we were in session, I’d be her auditor and nothing else. Our personal emotions had no bearing with the counseling whatever was about to come up as subject during that action. She was fine with it so we proceeded. It wasn’t completely easy for her and I did my best to keep it as smooth as possible. We completed the action in due time and she returned to Clearwater for her training program to become a class IX auditor.
All seemed fine. She was a bit concerned about my cautiousness as I wasn’t expressing very much reach towards her from the pure male to female standpoint. She told me one day “Are you ever going to kiss me” I did kiss her just once, during a snorkeling excursion in Bonaire, that was the only time it happened since.
For Xmas time 2004 she had managed to get a short leave of absence and go visit her parents in Spain, it was shortly after her return to Clearwater that she started to freak out. During my previous weeks, while on my engine room forced experience, I wasn’t allowed to communicate with her or anybody else for that matter outside the ship. Before my landing in trouble, I used to call her often and with the help of my daughter in the Clearwater base, we could talk briefly over the phone during some break time. She became concerned as to what had happened to me, it was obvious that something went wrong for my communication had stopped all of a sudden without explanation. I tried to minimize what went on, not to worry her, but she was rather worried and told me she got the idea of being unqualified for the sea organization due to her having taken LSD.
I thought immediately she was making up a story in order to have a good reason to route out. Her qualifications had been verified beforehand and nowhere it was noted of her having taken that drug which, would have made her not fit for the organization in the first place. To the contrary, she denied an accusation addressed to her in a written report about having used LSD, she said it was false. The above became an alarming matter as it was not what anybody expected, me included. She either lied before joining the sea org or she was lying now as an escape route, or perhaps she was habitually lying for whatever reason real or imagined. That was nonetheless the final straw for me.
While working on the new and temporary post, one morning out of the blue, I get accused by the RTC rep together with the CO CMO ship of having messed up my VIP crew preclear (Slang for the person being counseled in session) and that I had done so and so in a particular session, restimulating the hell out of him. I had no clue as to what they were talking about, what I was being charged with, didn’t happen and when I tried to speak as I was very baffled by the nonsense of the communication, I was simply made wrong and that was all. Desperation was the strongest emotion I felt at that moment, I had no clue how to get out of that madness.
Only next day the senior C/S, who in turn had landed in trouble as well, over the same cycle, told me in the engine room, where both were sent to do heavy dirty work as disciplinary action, that what I was told happened in session was not an error and it had been misunderstood by the RTC rep. I knew that for me already, however the RTC person never came to rectify her goof. I just recall another occasion when she accused me of something I had not done. During a session with a female parishioner, at one point she expressed some feeling of sexual attraction for me that had crossed her mind. I acknowledged her communication and proceeded with my standard procedure. It all went fine. The above can happen to anybody undergoing processing and it wasn’t anything new to me nor worrisome. I had no attention on her nor intention of taking advantage in any way shape or form. The RTC rep however, having spotted the above during her quality control of the various sessions going on aboard, commented in her critique that I must be causing that by outflowing sexual wavelengths. She couldn’t be more wrong than that, but when I tried to express my point to her, she would not believe it was not the case. I didn’t bother going on having to be right about it as it’d be pointless. Ron Hubbard taught us about a very basic principle: “What is true is what is true for you” and I had no doubts about that.
Another interesting new I was told while being sent back to the engine room confinement, was that my former VIP pc (short for preclear) had now done what he had been accused of doing in earlier months, just to make the accusers wrong. I’ll spare the details as well as the identity of this VIP; some smart people can figure it out for themselves. That meant if the data was accurate that he was just as guilty, if not worse, than me and these after me who took over the matter. Strangely enough, I didn’t see the guy come down the engine room to receive the same treatment. It all got hushed up, nobody was supposed to know, yet if the events were accurate, that very top crew member could be beached (slang for being dismissed) in no time. Many people had been, for much less than what he did, I’ve witnessed that too. My personal saga was just getting worse. I had seen some other colleague land on the engine room special treatment while I was there, and in one occasion I witnessed the insanity of the physical abuse being perpetrated.
PHYSICAL ABUSE ON THE FREEWINDS
A female staff member was ordered 48 uninterrupted hours in the engine room doing heavy and dirty work. I knew already it was hard to stay there about 18 hours a day, it was a mere cruelty to force someone, female in that occasion to work for that long without being allowed to rest or sleep. When I returned next morning to the space, she was still there and told me she fainted out of tiredness and she was lucky that when she fell didn’t get hurt or worse.
That was the only reason she was later allowed to stop that torture. For the people who have no reality as to why we all seem so foolish or easy to manipulate, you should know that when you believe in something, you defend it with your life and don’t give up very easily. I believed very much in wanting to help Hubbard create a better world and if I had done wrong I should remedy to it, the best I possibly can. I still believed I should make things go right no matter what, yet I felt something was awfully wrong about the ongoing saga. I went from being one of the most respected and producing auditors to being considered the worst and worthless staff member on board. Yet on my records I could easily count a very high percentage of winning preclears as opposed to very few who didn’t do well with me as their auditor.
Next news I was told were that the powers that be were now planning to trade me with any other advanced organization that’d be willing to exchange one of their staff for me. I was very unhappy indeed, but I was willing to start all over again elsewhere. Meanwhile I’d alerted my daughter about it and my being in serious trouble, she was worried about me and I tried to reassure her. However she obviously told her mom and some other people was getting to know it at the Clearwater base. I got told off and an out security report for having talked to my daughter. The matter had to be kept secret. I thought it was a bit too much if I can’t even talk to my own relatives, yet it was that crazy. Your communication is censored there is no free speech, that’s a fact! I was now getting started on a tailored security check to find my crimes. That was at least a good reason for me to get some rest as otherwise couldn’t be processed. I had no clue as to what my crimes were, but was willing to give it a try. I began to run into things that didn’t make any sense, the E-meter would allegedly react on things I had not done, which made me feel even worse than I already felt. My auditor was making mistakes in session and he was in turn being disciplined for it, a real mad house.
I ended up owning up things I had not done, just to be done with it as soon as possible. That seemed to satisfy who was mostly interested in my crimes. However that wasn’t enough! The RTC rep used the data from the session to make me wrong, guilty and to just compound the whole madness. For these who know how to audit, can you imagine someone telling to your pc after your session, that he got a read on a question and the auditor allowed you to bail out from it? I know no LRH reference anywhere that would warrant that yet she did! In an earlier occasion, she had read my own write up where I confessed my own sins (according to scientology writings) and then she proceeded with making me wrong for what I’d written in an effort to come clean. How is that possible?
RTC: AUDITOR INVALIDATION
She was the person in charge of standard application of scientology, yet she was committing such abuse. I know it’s hard to believe, but I can swear it’s true. She ended up taking over the auditing of the VIP as she didn’t trust anybody else could pull it off. Mind you, there were 5 trained class IX, we were all Flag trained, yet she stated to me she had nobody else to audit the culprit and it was my entire fault. Now for people who know the subject a bit, it’s not difficult to figure out what that meant. An RTC rep is admitting that out of 5 class 9 auditors nobody is good enough to audit that special person! That sucks big time. The whole Flag training facility of FSO is pointed out by the above statement as being unable to make class 9 auditors or has been producing overt products (slang for bad product that nobody would want) I didn’t think it was the case, I got trained well as far as I was concerned. It just struck me that she would utter such nonsense.
If that wasn’t enough, she also told me that she was much better than me at finding the crimes of the interested party and she could get better reactions even if the guy had only slept 5 hours!! I couldn’t believe my ears, as it meant an open admission from her part that she was violating the Auditor’s code: “I promise never to audit a preclear who has not had sufficient rest or who is physically tired”. Any auditor worth that name knows that down cold, yet she was bragging about her blatant violation of that very clause. Not to mention when I was deprived of sufficient sleep for weeks and then asked to write down my sins to come clean, without being provided a decent and quiet space in which to do so. I was sitting on the floor in the engine room, it was dirty and hot. I was so tired to a point of going unconscious, I couldn’t keep my eyes open and write down my most “hidden sins”. Was there any physical or mental abuse? I’ll leave that to the reader to figure it out.
I was really getting fed up of being on board and I was now contemplating going to some other org as liberation from that ship I had at first loved to be part of. It became so unpleasant to be there I just wanted out. With that in mind I did all I could to complete whatever security check I was ordered to get I took on me things I had done as well as things I didn’t do as it’d sound so much better to the RTC rep. The worse my sins appeared to be the better it was for her. If that wasn’t enough, my auditor took care of the rest, reporting things differently than what I had actually stated, the effect was that it sounded so bad and the RTC rep couldn’t resist the temptation of telling me right after the session how suppressive I had been by allowing somebody unqualified onto OTVIII. I’m not kidding! Do you really believe I could do that even if I was that crazy? Obviously not! It takes at least 3 different persons to give the final okay and then an RTC rep is the final judge. So was I the only suppressive? Was it the whole four of us or what?
I’ll live this to you dear reader. I know it sounds so unbelievable if you thought all was sweetness and light inside that joint. I’m not making any part of this up, believe it or not. I was also accused of a major out security for the same reason above. Talking of out- security, for which RTC is responsible, I was informed years earlier by a colleague OT 8 that unfortunately the advanced materials were all over the internet, yet I had no clue at that stage as to what internet was all about. I had lived so secluded from the real world that I had no idea really of what was going on besides scientology matters, and the news were always filtered.
One couldn’t watch TV or movies unless you had a day off. The plan of trading and shipping me to another org wasn’t working out so the next news became that I was being talked into doing the RPF. At first I thought there is no way I’m going to do that, whatever I did wrong couldn’t compare to the amount of stellar production record I had. Then a friend of mine convinced me that it could be done in 6 months and because of my training it seemed feasible. By then I had already spent 4 months in the most miserable time of my life and all I wanted was to get off that space. My going to the RPF became my way out from that joint so I agreed to leave as soon as possible. The cheapest flight got booked from saint Kitts to the UK base in Sussex and to ensure I’d not escape a security guard had to come and escort me all the way. I could have given him real hard time and escape if I wanted to, but decided not to do so. He’d be dead meat if I had.
After 24 hours of traveling we arrived to destination and my escort turned me over to another person who came to pick me up at the airport. Next day I was introduced to the other RPFers each of whom had been sent for alleged treasonous activities towards the church. I was determined to do my program and get the hell out of there as fast as possible. There was no written issue about why I arrived there and when I got asked I told what had happened, my reputation had sunk to such extent, it couldn’t get any lower than that. I was wrong again!
SUE PRICE STRIKES AGAIN
My dear friend CO CMO Sue Price got very busy and issued a golden rod issue with my RPF assignment which made look Jack the ripper a saint compared to what I was if what was written in the issue were true. Before I forget, I had investigated this lady to find out why she was so vicious when over one year earlier had torpedoed my sentimental life with another female sea org member. What I had discovered was not short of horrifying, I’ll spare you the details.
Of course the plans with the Spanish girl couldn’t work out as she was being routed out. I was even interrogated as if we were planning to route out together. I wasn’t that stupid nor crazy. She had proven to be as reliable as a tower built on the quicksand, so I’d be better on my own. The RPF issue not only was full of false charges, it also illegally suspended my certs which meant I had to train from scratch as if I knew nothing. For those familiar with the subject, only a Comm-Ev duly convened can suspend an auditor’s certificates, this being written in LRH policy, but no she had to go beyond that. Mind you when you get a label as that of RPFer you are completely worthless and my efforts to get things rectified would just make things worse. So I got familiar with the space, the issues for the program and the schedule. I was rather concerned about ever being able to sleep enough as it’d be impossible to ever completing the program otherwise. I was supposed to make another person better and he/she in turn was supposed to do the same with me. It seemed so pointless, as I had done just that for about 20000 hours already. Most of my preclears can testify to that without any bribing action. So I get paired up and even more, in fact, instead of one partner, I was given two. I can audit anybody at any level, even today after almost 2 years without practice, I could do it with ease much better than many other auditors in any org, this is not arrogance or lack of respect for any of them, I know what I know and even if I’m not perfect, (I never thought I was), my training has been so extensive and the ability to handle preclears is part of my DNA regardless of my certs being valid or not. Doing the training line up from scratch was horrible as it can be compared to learning to drive a tricycle when you are a formula 1 pilot.
Shortly after I arrived, based on some very scathing report written on one of my partners all the trio got punished onto a status even worse than the one of being an RPFer. The restrictions were extreme, you are not allowed to talk to other staff members, but also to your fellow RPFers. Your communication is shut for good, unless you want more troubles by failing to abide to the rules. That turned out to be a wrong assignment, yet I had wasted a whole month in that madhouse making no progress as I had planned and forced to live in extremely bad conditions which included having to sleep in a poorly ventilated basement even if that was illegal per local regulations. In few occasions it was mentioned that if a random inspection of the place was done by the local authorities that could cause some bad repercussions. No kidding!
Anyway, I must have been rather stupid to pursue doing the program, I can see it only now that I’m out of that area and the suppression that went on in it. I can now tell without hesitation, I’ve wasted almost 3 years of my life doing a program which didn’t do me any good. I recall when I first entered the auditing space, it was horrible to hear how these poor guys were auditing. Most of them had no previous training so they had to cope with the way they got trained within the RPF.
A new person wouldn’t particularly notice anything wrong, but to a professional auditor it sounded really bad. Some of the persons on the program had already been there for years, the worst being eleven!! I couldn’t believe it.
I had offered my help to get the area rolling, but according to my infamous RPF assignment, I couldn’t be allowed in the tech unit, so whoever was in charge thought better about it and kept the area as bad as it could get. I had to waste up to 3 more months to complete my training line up from scratch. Having to redo the advanced courses wasn’t made any easy for me and my partner on the program. We had no access to the materials during day time so we had to arrange to do it during the night. If you think we were well rested before going to do that, I can tell you that was not the case. We had some moments it became so hard to stay awake and had to stop inside the locked area to sleep a bit.
Finally I was done with my training and I began auditing my partner. He had been there already since about one year and was really in a bad shape, mental and physical. Knowing my business, it didn’t take me very long to get him back to battery and in a much better shape. I decided to audit both of the partners I had been trioed with as for those who know me can attest to the fact that I love auditing others. Both of them seemed happy with it, so was I. The next IAS event was on the horizon so we get briefed as to our schedule being arranged in order to work at the massive preparation job for the whole thing. Normally we’d study or audit 5 hours daily, but during that time it became impossible. Mind you, the RPF Issues forbid the RPF being used for such public events and for our schedule to be modified in a way to prevent daily redemption time (they call it so in the RPF) from happening. It was illegal!! Yet nobody could protest about it because we were the scum of the sea organization with no rights worth a dime, besides the fact that it provided the whole organization with hundreds of labor hours at no cost at all. You’d not think that because of working long hours at very heavy duties, we’d be properly fed and allowed to rest. Oh no! Not in the RPF!
At times the food was so bad in addition to being scarce, I just couldn’t eat it. I had to buy my own food out of personal money I had saved in many years. And the weekly pay if it’d arrive at all was $12.50 per week. By the time I’d change it into pounds, it was almost gone before I could do anything with it.
The time went on and I was also starting my auditing part. I love auditing when it’s done for the person that gets it. That was not always the case as far as I was concerned. I was disgusted to be forced into steps completely unnecessary and invalidative. The senior c/s UK had already a preconceived idea, or perhaps he got influenced by the colorful comments made by the infamous Sue Price. She went as far as writing a message on a telex, which the RPF in charge read to me, stating that I had ruined the lives of my preclears with my own style of auditing. You’ve got to be kidding or you have some other agenda to make such a foolish statement.
Out of the 500 new OT VIII completions made up to that point, about 200 had been my preclears and the great majority of them were doing great! I’ve never heard my preclears be unhappy about my service. Very, very few didn’t do well and I’m sorry if I couldn’t help them, other than that I was very proud of my past products and still am today.
I’ve found again some of them after many years and by a random survey I did just out of mere curiosity, 100% were still happy about my auditing and they all remember me. It was quite a different picture than the one that CMO lady was trying to depict. I was made to do a whole rundown (Truth rundown) which was meant to handle something I had never done. My protests were not only ignored, but used to make me wrong and forced me to receive an action which was useless. It was a torture to get painstakingly through that. My partner told me there was no way out and it’d just get worse if I kept protesting. It was a perfect example of auditing someone suppressively.
I was very relieved when it was over. As the time went on I had to help some other team and I could use some of my technical expertise. My original task was to make someone else better. Out of my own initiative, I’ve audited 24 persons at all levels within the UK RPF, 3 of them went Clear (end phenomena of dianetics auditing) and some could graduate because I made it possible by being there supervising upper level sessions where the auditor had no clue about what to do. I’ll spare some of the details of these last years, but I was proud to contribute in debugging any single bogged case I could find in the area, I’ve handled botched sessions and red tags (term for a session gone wrong where no floating needle arrives at the examiner) that nobody else could handle, I’ve saved the production from collapsing and got much better production than the one occurring before I did something about it. I even became the cook to solve the horrendous handicap of poor food improperly prepared and out of recalling of my relatives used to do, I was able to make much better meals than I had ever seen in that joint.
When I was supervising the co-audit space I could handle any situation that presented itself, that made the auditing smoother. But all this had to come to an end, I thought it’d be good as both I and my partner completed the program and were waiting for the final ok. I had not been paid for the whole year 2007, but I didn’t care particularly if I’d get out and back producing somewhere. Unfortunately, something went wrong again.
My partner received a report by some female cadets about him doing something not okay. He got interviewed and based on the outcome it was decided that he had to be offloaded. Being his partner I was really in deep shit at that point. He got routed out on few days. I recall a comment made by another RPFer who quoted a statement made by the RTC rep UK about my partner: “Get rid of him.” Mind you, the guy had been 27 years in the sea org and was a trained Class IX as well as a trained case supervisor of that same class. He was also married, and had to leave abandoning his wife who choose to stay on her post. They were not allowed to speak to each other for years.
So following his departure I ended up getting another Comm-ev and thank god they offloaded me. I couldn’t take it anymore and I did not realize until then how I had allow such suppression to make my life miserable in the last 3 years of being in the sea org.
It took me some time before I could reorient myself to the real world. I was feeling so much better being able to decide and do whatever I wanted. I didn’t have anybody else running my life but me, no restrictions of any kind. I felt some discomfort about talking to anyone about what really happened as it wasn’t all nice at all.
I was going to live my life with this unspoken experience until I realized somebody else had been going through a similar if not worse experience in the same organization even if not same geographical base. I couldn’t believe what I was finding out; their stories were on the same exact pattern as mine. I finally understood why the RTC rep on the ship found it okay to punch me, she had learned the lesson from her boss and was doing the same thing.
Even my partner had brought up a similar experience of his being beaten by another RTC rep at the UK base, not to mention other humiliating handlings that came up from other incidents that emerged. Having at this point come to the conclusion that I’ve nothing to hide about my life in the sea org, I wish other people to know what it’s been like.
If anybody gets prompted by my story to join the sea organization, that’s fine with me, I’ve no objection to it at all. On the other hand if someone wanted to join the team and got scared by my story, well that’s too bad. I couldn’t make it nicer for recruitment purposes as it’d would have given a false picture. I’d rather tell what really happened and let the truth be known by anybody who is capable of judgement and can figure out how to go about in life helping others whenever possible.
Probably this writing will be labeled as “forbidden” as soon as someone within the church finds out about it. That’s a very predictable thing. And if the current regime within the church deems it necessary to declare me a suppressive person because I’m telling my real story, well that’s too bad.
I don’t fear such declare in any way shape or form. I’d for sure like to get an hard copy if it gets to that point, because if it’s not written it’s not true and I can promise you that if I get it mailed to me, I’ll put it all over the internet for anybody to read it. I can share my crimes with the rest of the world if it takes that much to fell free.
I do love and respect Ron Hubbard and I’m very thankful to him for any improvement I’ve brought in myself and others through his very teachings. If the current church structure proves to be in alignment with his work, I’ll be more than happy to help, unless that proves true I’d rather support some other group who shares common desire to help with the real scientology.
Three cheers to LRH.
Written by Ignazio Tidu, 27 November 2009
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Ignazio Tidu
"Scientology has been taken over by a self-appointed dictator, David Miscavige, who has turned the Creed of the Church of Scientology, the Code of a Scientologist, and the Credo of a True Group Member on their heads and instituted the virtual practice of Reverse (Black) Dianetics..." 
Comments
Thank you for sharing your story.
I will admit that I was hoping that this was not also happening on the ship (naive I know) and that Sharon and Mike would not stand for it. A very sad disappointment.
My heart aches for those I dearly love who are ship staff and have to fight against this inhumane treatment - even if only the potential of such treatment.
I can attest you were a good and caring auditor. You audited me at the FSO and it went very well.
It's funny that while I was on my way out of the church you did gave me a C/S 53 by indication in Milan (arc x session) and you indicated something that was actually happening to me: "Feel attacked". At the time I was under attack by the C. of S... Shortly thereafter I got declared...
I wish you well my friend and good luck on reuniting your family.
Best Paolo
I ended up saying things which I didn't even believe because I'd be asked what I'm thinking and I'd say whatever I imagined after the question. I wasn't thinking anything besides how messed up this is. The Sec checker had something in his ear and he'd not want to take a "read" up, but this guy in the other room would talk to him in his ear and he'd take it up with me.
There's got to be some out tech if the sec check leaves you spinned in.
04' at Flag.
sono Caspar appena letto la tua storia incredible, but on the other hand I have indeed read similar stories and my own has some similarity as well.
I would like to talk to you in person some time or other. I intend to take some action in the socalled Freezone to clean up the squirreling that is going on and possible unite the field.
There is another person whom I would like you to meet as well.
Let me know if you are interested and otherwise I wish you well.
m. love,
Caspar
Remember one thing, you are now free to AUDIT, big time, man!!! Ha ha!
Welcome Back, mate!!!
ML, Theo Sismanides
On your long journey as auditor, did you ever learn to audit in German ?
Hey Caspar,
any chances to deliver SHSBC and class VIII ?
just wondering.
Arc
anything the church delivers can be delivered in the Freezone except the blows :-)
Caspar
Thanks for your story, which is a great read.
I have recently read several long articles and full-length books about life in the Sea Org by former scientologists, including descriptions of life at Hemet, Clearwater, Saint Hill, and the Los Angeles Complex. Your account of life on the Freewinds is a valuable contribution to the picture puzzle of Scientology that is now emerging in all its nefarious glory. The more people know about all facets of this organization, the better. Your account of your experience is a real public service. Thanks.
thank you for sharing your story.
When I read it yesterday I forgot all my life around me and could see those things happen before my eyes.
Though not having been myself in the Sea Org, in the '70s and '80s I have been in the SO-quarters in the Nordland-Hotel in Copenhagen, as well as those in St. Hill in the UK and I have supervised a short time in the Flag Crew Course room in Clearwater.
Each of these experiences was a shock. But after I was through that initial shock I felt complete admiration for these staffmembers who had so much Affinity that such circumstances could not stop them to help their fellow beings.
Afterwards I was in awe, when I saw them acting on their posts. I have no other words for that.
Thank you for what you have done - while being on staff and after. And thanks again for sharing your adventures. It has raised my confront.
Love
Alice
I read every word of your detailed write up. I do not doubt one word. Your tenacity in applying standard tech, even when half starved and sleep deprived is more than admirable, it's miraculous...
Now you need to continue to apply your skills as a Cl XII auditor to clean up the C of S's overt products. Good luck, my friend. I will be coming out soon...
ML,
Songbird
Yours is a cruel yet familiar story. How ironic that the Organization established for "removing the ills of man" harbors a management whose highest leaders are committing those very ills--- and in numbers.
I admire both your courage and tenacity in your experience and subsequent release.
I experienced similar suppressive treatment while an SO crew at ASHO-D back in the earlier days. I routed out after months of jumping through the off-policy flaming hoops and other suppressive obstacles. They play a very low toned game and really didn't care about keeping me around as I challenged their phony authority with gusto. I would have pulled them upscale and they weren't having any of that.
What a shame that they pervert the way out for so many? We'll all make it, I know that. But what a colossal cost in needlessly suffering individuals.
Imagine for a moment a Religion created to save mankind and offer sanity.
But who will save us from the highjacking of this Religion? Anyone interested? I am.
Rob
Highest affinity, Anita Warren
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